It's Almost Halloween
by This Is A Test Tai
Summary: Sanji and Nami throw a Halloween party to get her mind off midterms, and everyone writes self-insert horror stories to pass the time. College AU, heavily inspired by Blue Monday. Eight chapters, COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

The leaves outside the window of Sanji's Algebra class had long left behind their green hues, and had cycled through reds and yellows, resting now, the brightest of them, on orange, and the not-so-fortunate ones on a dull brown. And that was just the ones that still clung to their trees; the jet-black branches of many of the trees were bare, looking like twisted hands reaching to scratch the deep blue of the sky. There was barely more than a week left in October.

Sanji got out of class early that day because he had a test. He was alright at math, so he wasn't too worried, even if it was supposed to be the midterm. Between that and the nice fall weather outside, he was in a pretty good mood as he made his way down the halls, his sights set on getting some food from the cafeteria. Then he spotted Nami, one of his best friends. She was sitting in one of the forest green armchairs, her Macbook in her lap and her face in her hand. She was wearing a bright pink hoodie and jeans, her legs crossed and her short, strawberry-blonde hair in a tiny ponytail. Even from down the hall, Sanji could tell that she was fretting about something, her lips pursed in the way that they only ever got when she was stressed out and trying to hide it.

 _Well, if I didn't go over and try to offer some comfort,_ Sanji thought, _what kind of friend would I be?_ He sauntered over to her, hoping to infect her with his own good mood. "Hey, beautiful," he said. Nami looked up and gave him a sad smile that he was sure she thought would be convincing.

"Hey, Sanji," she said. "What's up?"

"I'm on my way to the cafeteria," he said. "Wanna come?"

Nami glanced back at her laptop as though pondering the prospect, and revealing that it was definitely the source of her stress. Before Sanji could figure out how to comment, Nami stood up. "Okay," she said. "I need the distraction."

Sanji led her through the art building and down to the cafeteria, where Nami helped herself to one of their tuna wraps, while Sanji got a grilled cheese sandwiches and fries. Everything from the grill was really greasy, but it tasted good enough that even a food snob like Sanji could appreciate it. As they got to the cash register, Sanji broached the topic that had been picking at him.

"What were you looking at?" he asked, grabbing two bottles of Coke, one for each of them. "Seemed like it was pretty important."

"Well, kinda," Nami said dismissively. "I'm just finishing up a paper for my English Lit class. It's supposed to be my midterm, so it's kind of a big deal."

"I'm sure you'll do fine," Sanji assured her. "You write great papers."

"Would you mind looking it over?" Nami asked. "It would mean a lot to me."

"Of course," Sanji promised. Then, to the cashier, he added, "Together." The cashier nodded and rung up Nami's food with Sanji's. Nami glared at him, but she couldn't help but smile.

"I can pay for myself, you know," she told him.

"Sure you can," Sanji said, "but what kind of gentleman can't even provide food for his very good friend?" Nami rolled her eyes, but made no other protests. The two of them found an empty table to sit and eat while Sanji went over Nami's paper, an analysis of Mary Shelley's _Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus_.

As far as writing went, Nami's paper was pretty good. The sentences flowed naturally, there were no significant typos, and each paragraph had a distinct purpose and argument, which was saying a lot for a seven-page paper. As for the content, Sanji could see no problems. In the essay, Nami was proposing the argument that, contrary to the popular narrative, Frankenstein's Monster was not an innocent victim. She acknowledged that the scientist may have set him on a path of self-destruction by rejecting him, but his fears had proven right, as the monster had gone on to commit wanton murder. "The creature's rejection by Frankenstein does not absolve him of his own monstrous crimes," Nami's paper finished.

"That's pretty good," Sanji said. Nami thanked him. "I don't know what you're freaking out about, I'd give it an A."

"Maybe..." Nami said, "but I'm still worried."

"Why?"

"Well, it's my teacher, Professor Omatsuri." Sanji nodded, although he'd never heard of the guy before. "A bunch of other students told me that he's really strict on grading, and if your paper argues something he doesn't agree with, he's guaranteed to give you low marks on it."

"What? That's stupid," Sanji said. "Even if you make a good argument?"

"He'll still say 'you missed the point', or some shit," Nami said bitterly. "We talked about a Sherlock Holmes novel last week and he called out one of the students because they tried to say that this deformed pygmy was supposed to represent how Britain saw natives, when he was trying to say he was a symbol for the villain's evil." She shook her head. "And then when we talked about _Frankenstein_ in class today, he really hammered home the idea that Victor is the monster, and that the creature basically had no choice but to be evil because of what he did."

"Well, even if that's true," Sanji said, "he can't dock you points for disagreeing. I think you can report him for that."

"I don't think so," Nami said. "People've been complaining about this guy for years. I wish I could just scrap the whole thing and rework the paper, but I sent it last night."

"You shouldn't even have to do that," Sanji assured her. "If he gives you something like a C on the paper, maybe you can make that up by the end of the semester?"

"Sanji, you don't get it," Nami said. "There's a lot riding on this! If I don't keep my GPA up, I won't be able to transfer to a four-year college next year! Hell, I might not even graduate! Best case scenario, that sets me back a whole _year_ before I can get my degree, and I _don't_ want to do that!"

Sanji nodded. "Okay, okay," he said. He scratched his goatee thoughtfully. There didn't seem to be much he could say to assuage Nami's fears. "All we can do is wait," he said. "Until you get your grade, we won't know what to do about this."

"Right…" Nami nodded. Sanji could tell that his advice wasn't anything new to her; just kind of a disappointment.

"Hey," Sanji piped up. "I know what'll get your mind off this stuff." She looked up. "What are you doing for Halloween?"

"Well, it's a Monday," Nami said, "so I'm going to class."

"You only have one class on Monday, though, right?" Nami nodded. "So what if we throw a Halloween party?"

The corners of Nami's mouth twitched. "Kind of short notice for a Monday night party, Sanji," she pointed out.

"We'll just invite the regular guys," Sanji said. "You know Luffy, Usopp, and that green-haired edgelord won't be doing anything. And we can invite that hot classmate of yours, Robin."

"She's probably not going to want to go to a party with a bunch of college kids who aren't even old enough to drink," Nami pointed out.

"Well, invite her anyway. If she says no, that's fine, then it'll just be the five of us," Sanji said. "We can dress up, decorate your house, bob for apples, watch scary movies...you know, the usual shit."

Nami drummed her fingers. "Well…" she said, pursing her lips, "...I'll need to buy some decorations. What time are you out of class?" Sanji's spirit soared.

After Sanji's last class, the two of them got into Nami's mom's car and drove to the mall, where they found a Spirit of Halloween store, sitting in a section of the mall where neither of them could say for sure what had been there before. They spent an hour just going through the store, picking out the coolest decorations, then painstakingly budgeting themselves and dropping some of the pricier ones. After getting dinner at P.F. Chang's, they went to Party City for costume ideas, although neither of them ended up buying anything. "I'll get something over the weekend," Nami assured Sanji. "Besides, we wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, now would we?" Sanji liked the sound of that.

That Monday, Sanji took a bus straight from college to Nami's house. His classes ran later than most of the other guys, so he figured he was probably going to be the last one there; all the better to make a big dramatic entrance, right?

Nami answered the door, wearing a bright-red flapper costume, with a feather boa, a feather tiara, and a _lot_ of cleavage. "Hey, Sanji!" she said excitedly.

"You look great," Sanji said, trying to keep his eyes on hers.

She clearly recognized his struggle and winked at him. "Thanks," she said. "Your costume's not bad either," she added.

Sanji had put together a Phantom of the Opera costume, complete with a black cape, plumed shirt, and a mask that covered the entire right side of his face. "Thank you, my love," he said, giving his cape a flourish.

Stepping into the living room, Sanji saw that Nami had made good use of the Halloween decorations they'd bought. Gargoyles flanked the door, black and orange streamers and fake spiderwebs hung from the ceiling, and there wasn't a blank wall that didn't have a poster of a witch or a vampire or a werewolf. "Wow, everyone made it," Sanji said as he looked around. Luffy and Usopp had gotten started on bobbing for apples, and Robin was hanging around a table with a spread of booze with Zoro.

"Not everyone!" Luffy declared irritably, turning away from the bucket. "Nami didn't even _invite_ Chopper!"

"I'm not gonna let a reindeer walk around and wreck my mom's house!" Nami said.

"He's our friend!" Luffy said. "Besides, he can behave himself!"

"I said no!" Nami said, smacking Luffy. Sanji was momentarily entranced until a plastic sword waved into his view.

"Avast, knave! I recognize by your dark cloak and masked face that thou art a villain!" came the voice from a suit of armor. "Draw your weapon, you foul demon, and we will commence battle for the hand of this fair maiden!"

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"I am Sir Wordsmith, loyal hand to the crown and esteemed knight of-!"

"Usopp, I know that's you," Sanji interrupted. "Your nose is sticking out of the visor."

"What?" Usopp dropped the voice he was doing for the knight. "Luffy! You said you couldn't tell!"

"What?" Luffy said, his mouth full of candy corn. "No, I said you can't see your _collarbone_ through the costume."

"Why would I be asking about my collarbone?!"

"What are you supposed to be?" Sanji asked Luffy. He was wearing a red bandana, fake dreads, and a vest.

"I'm Cap'n Jack Sparrow!" Luffy said with a big grin. He then swaggered as though he were drunk, and said, in an awful Johnny Depp impression, "Where's the meat, love?"

"Jack Sparrow drinks rum, Luffy," Nami told him.

"Oh, right," Luffy said. "Where's the rum, then!"

It was then that Usopp grabbed Luffy in a headlock, declaring that he'd captured the dreaded pirate. Sanji laughed and walked over to the table of drinks. "Lookit that," he mused to Zoro, "you actually wore a costume. What're you supposed to be?"

Zoro was wearing eyeliner, a leather pants, sleeveless leather vest littered with safety pins, and had spiked his green hair all over the place. "Billy Idol," he said. "What, haven't you ever heard of him?"

"My bad, I thought you just bought the 'Punk Rocker' costume from Party City," Sanji shot back.

"Settle down, boys," Robin warned, smirking at the two bickering undergrads. She was wearing a white dress and a short wig with a gold tiara, making up a pretty impressive Cleopatra costume.

"You look great, Robin," Sanji swooned. Robin smiled and thanked him politely. Nami rolled her eyes.

"My mom left us a spread of booze," she said, cracking open a beer. "She told us to help ourselves so long as nobody pukes in the house."

"Awesome," Zoro said, and uncorked a bottle of Jack Daniel's, taking a swig from it.

"Where _is_ your mom?" Sanji asked Nami.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" asked Usopp, raising his visor to give Sanji a lascivious grin.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We've all seen you staring at her," Zoro said.

"Shut up!" Sanji said.

"Gross," Nami said. "Anyway, she's out at a bar or something. We pretty much have the house to ourselves 'til, like, midnight."

"Alright!" Luffy declared. "Let's get this party started!"

After Nami put on a playlist of music from Oingo Boingo, the Misfits, and _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ , the six of them started drinking, eating candy, and playing Halloween-themed games. After an hour of "Never Have I Ever", though, the party started to get restless.

"Okay, everybody," Nami said, standing up from her seat on the couch, "what do we want to do next?"

"Drink." Zoro emptied a bottle of rum into his throat.

"Let's go trick-or-treating!" Luffy shouted.

"Yeah!" Usopp agreed.

"We're too old for trick-or-treating," Nami said.

"You're _never_ too old for trick-or-treating," Luffy said.

"That's definitely not true," Zoro replied with a grimace.

"Come on, guys," Nami said. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Well," Robin said, "I do have one idea, maybe you guys will be into it."

"I already love it," Sanji said. "What is it?"

"Well, what if we had a horror story contest?" Robin asked. "Kind of like Mary Shelley and Lord Byron did back in the day? I was just hearing about it in class the other day."

Sanji glanced at Nami. The entire point of this party was to get her mind off her grade; maybe this wasn't the sort of game she'd want to play? However, she was nodding. "That could be fun," Nami said. "Is everyone down?" The group was almost unanimously enthusiastic.

"Ugh," Zoro said. "Pass. Can't we just watch a slasher movie instead?"

"Come on, dude!" Luffy nudged him. "Don't be a downer! This'll be fun!"

And so everyone set up in a different room, with a notebook or a laptop, or something else to write with, to write a tale of chilling horror. Nami set the parameters; only a couple pages each, and they'd all share what they wrote when they were done. After forty-five minutes, they all came into the living room to read their stories.

"Alright," Nami said. "Let's start. Luffy, you wanna go first?"

Luffy pouted at Nami. "I couldn't write anything," he groaned.

"Are you serious?" Zoro said. "You were the one who was all excited for this!"

"I just kept staring at the page and by the time we were supposed to be done, I hadn't written anything!" Luffy whined.

"It's okay, Luffy," Nami said. "Usopp, how about you go instead?"

"Sure," Usopp said. Everybody drew close as he started. "It all began one dark and stormy night…"


	2. Chapter 2: Usopp's Story

_It all began one dark and stormy night,_ _when the wind was howling, and the thunder clapping, and the rain came down in torrents. Two men, normal, every day workers, unload a ship in the middle of the night._

" _You be careful with that! It's supposed to be very valuable!" one of them shouted to the other._

" _What the hell is in this coffin?" he asked._

 _The shift manager walked down the incline to the coffin. "Only one way to find out…!" With a crowbar he pried open the coffin. The lid fell to the ground with a heavy thud. From within the sarcophagus came a weary groan._

" _What is it?" the worker asked, looking to his manager. "Boss?" The worker fell backwards. "Oh my god...oh my god!" He watched as a figure pulled itself out of the sarcophagus and glided across the dock, toward the city. Where his shift manager had once stood, there was a statue, frozen in fear...for all eternity._

 _The following morning, in a large house on the other side of town, a couple sat in their living room, patiently awaiting their guest. Sanji, the heir to the Vinsmoke family, read the newspaper in his best suit, while his fiancee, Nami Bellm_ _è_ _re, worked on a needlepoint while draped across the couch._

" _My lord, how dreadful!" Sanji declared._

" _What is it, my dear?" asked Nami._

" _This morning, a dock worker was admitted to the asylum after being found screaming on the pier!"_

" _Why, that's horrible!" Nami said. "Don't tell me these things, my love, you know it frightens me."_

" _I'm sorry, Nami, I forgot you were so sensitive," Sanji replied earnestly. "Perhaps we should go into the bedroom so I can comfort you with my body?"_

"Sanji! Stick to what I wrote!"

"Alright, alright, fine…" _Sanji stood up from his seat. "I think I hear the doorbell ring."_

" _Why that must be the professor!" Nami said excitedly._

 _The couple went to the door and opened it, letting in the world-renowned Professor Usopp, a dashingly handsome man with a mustache and wearing a tweed jacket and spectacles, followed by his hunchbacked, simpleton assistant, Luffy._

" _Good morning," the professor said. "I'm Professor Usopp, renowned academic from Syrup University, author of a number of critically-acclaimed essays on the existence of mythological creatures, and recipient of many prestigious awards for achievements in the field of research and-"_

"WE GET IT."

" _I hope you don't mind my staying here while I conduct my research?" Professor Usopp asked._

" _Not at all!" said Mr. Vinsmoke. "This was my father's house until he passed away. Now it is mine, and while you are here, it is yours."_

" _Thank you!" Usopp said. "Then I will retire to the bedroom so that I may rest after my long journey. Luffy, will you take my luggage up to the bedroom?"_

"Why do I have to be the stupid hunchback?"

"Luffy, just take my stuff upstairs!"

"Fine, fine…" _Luffy graciously took Usopp's bags to the stairs WITHOUT COMPLAINT._

" _I'd better show him which rooms you'll be staying in," Sanji said, and he hurried after him, leaving Usopp to make conversation with Nami._

" _So, what kind of research are you going to be conducting while you're here, Professor?" Nami asked._

" _Well, the museum recently received a sarcophagus that I'd like to take a look at."_

" _Oh, how wonderful!" Nami cooed. "Could it be an Egyptian mummy?"_

" _Well, that's exactly the curiosity, my dear," Usopp said thoughtfully. "The sarcophagus was found in Greece, not Egypt. I have some theories as to what might have been buried there, but I won't know until I examine the sarcophagus myself."_

 _The doorbell rang again._

" _Let me get that," Nami said, opening the door again. "Oh, it's just the constable!"_

" _Good morning, ma'am," Constable Zoro said, tipping his hat. "Is your worthless fiance here?"_

" _He's upstairs. Is everything alright?"_

" _Everything's fine, we're just going around and warning all the residents to lock your doors and not open them for any strangers. I'm sure you heard about the incident on the docks last night?"_

" _I did! Have you any idea what might have happened?"_

" _Not yet, but we're working on it. So far the only clue we have is the open coffin that was found with him."_

" _An open coffin?!" Usopp interrupted. "Tell me, sir, what kind of coffin was it?"_

" _I couldn't say," said Zoro, "but it looked like one of those Egyptian mummy coffins."_

 _It was at that moment that Sanji and Luffy re-entered the room._

" _Master, I put our bags in our rooms!" Luffy said in a Peter Lorre accent._

" _Well, I'm afraid you'll have to go back upstairs and get it, old chap," Usopp told him. "We've got to go straight to the museum!"_

 _The five of them arrived at the museum downtown, a monument to human history and culture, situated in the center of the city to serve as a continuous resource of education for the masses in their-_

"Five of us? Why's that moss-headed constable with us, doesn't he have better things to do?"

"I have as much right to be here as you do, you curly-browed socialite!"

"Guys, stop questioning the logic of my story!" _As the group approached the museum, a woman known to the locals as Madame Robin, walked up to them. She had long dark hair and a bandanna, with one large hoop earring, draped in shawls of bright reds and pinks and purples._

" _Why, it's a gypsy!" Nami said._ "Dude! You can't say 'gypsy'!"

"Why not?"

"It's super racist!"

"But I need to have a gypsy in there for the atmosphere!"

"Well, I guess it's fine as long as they're not super stereotypical or something."

" _Hey, keep walking, vagrant!" warned the constable, "No one here wants their palm read. If you don't dance yourself over somewhere else, I'll have to arrest you! Gotta keep you pickpockets and kidnappers in line!"_

"USOPP!"

"Okay, okay…"

" _I am not here to read palms or dance for you, officer," Madame Robin said. "I bring you a warning." She looked directly into Usopp's eyes and said in a grim voice, "the Gorgon walks again. Run from it; for no one can gaze upon it, or they will suffer a horrible death."_

" _Alright, that's enough out of you," the constable said. "Go on! Git!" He waved his baton at her, and Madame Robin slunk away._

" _What did she mean, about the Gorgon?" Sanji asked._

" _I think we are about to find out," Professor Usopp said. "Come; I must take a look at that sarcophagus!"_

 _Inside a storage room in the museum, Usopp used his impressive credentials to get a private showing of the sarcophagus. The rest of the group was allowed to accompany him, mainly because he worked better with an audience._

"So what do we do, just stand here and watch as the Professor makes science-y sounds?"

"Yeah, it's pretty much the entire reason why he keeps me around." _Luffy hobbled forward. "What do you see, Master, what do you see?"_

" _Quiet, you fool!" Usopp snapped. "You'll break my concentration…" He stared intently at the sarcophagus through his magnifying glass. "Hm…" he said, seemingly to himself. "My God…"_

 _The other four stood around, twiddling their thumbs._

" _I said, 'my God'..."_

 _No one said anything._

"Guys, I figured it out."

 _Everyone rushed over. "Usopp, you're so brilliant!" they exclaimed. "Please wow us with your powers of deduction!"_

" _Well," Usopp said, exuding humility. "As a world-renowned scholar it took me almost no time to recognize these ancient Greek runes. They describe-"_

"Aren't 'ancient Greek runes' just the Greek alphabet?"

"Shut up, Nami." _Usopp continued, "they describe a monster known as 'The Gorgon', a creature with the body of a woman and the power to turn any who meet her gaze to stone. Centuries ago, she was confined to this coffin as punishment for terrorizing the people of Athens."_

 _Nami gasped dramatically. "That's horrible!"_

" _And now…" Sanji said, "...she's free?"_

" _It would seem so," Usopp said. "It says here that she can only turn you to stone if you have dirty or impure thoughts when looking at her."_

" _Is there a cure?" asked Contable Zoro._

" _That's exactly it." Usopp looked up. "THERE IS NONE." Outside, lightning flashed and thunder clapped as the others looked at Professor Usopp in shock._

 _That night, the five adventurers went home, so that Professor Usopp could devise a way to defeat the Gorgon._

"With the help of his assistant Luffy?"

"Sure, why not?" _Meanwhile, Sanji bid good night to his fiancee as she went back to her father's estate._

"Ugh, Usopp, why is my character so useless? It's like I'm some fucking damsel in distress."

"You ARE the damsel in distress. Now just read the line as I wrote it!"

"Ugh, fine." _Nami threw herself into the arms of the Vinsmoke heir. "Sanji, please, don't leave me alone on the streets tonight! I am a poor, helpless female and am sure to be attacked by a Gorgon, or a degenerate, or tuberculosis!"_

"Alright, dial it back, Nami."

" _Oh, my love!" declared Sanji, embracing his beloved fiancee as though he feared fate was going to tear them apart. "As long as we are together, I refuse to let anything happen to you! Come disease, or the Gorgon, or even the Devil himself, no harm shall befall you as long as my heart beats in my chest!"_

"You guys are dicks." _Anyway, eventually Sanji was okay with letting his fiancee go when he learned that she would be escorted by the constable._

"No I'm not!"

 _And so they set out into the dark streets, on their way to Nami's family home. As they crossed the dark town, neither of them noticed the creeping shadows of the figure that followed them, her shadow inching behind them along the cobblestone streets. Just as it was almost upon them, the hairs on the back of Nami's neck raised, and she turned around and let out a blood-curdling scream._

" _AAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"_

 _Before her stood the Gorgon herself. She looked almost like any tall, buxom, beautiful woman, if not for her long, snake-like hair and glowing red eyes. She was draped in robes patterned like the scales of a snake that dragged behind her as she walked-or rather, glided-and jewelry hung from her ears, her wrists, and around her neck._

 _The constable quickly stepped in front of Nami, drawing not one, not two, but three batons. "Go on ahead, miss," he said confidently, "I'll hold her back." But the Gorgon was not looking for a fight; she joined her hands together and locked eyes with Constable Zoro. In a second, he was frozen, a statue holding three batons and wearing a shocked expression on his face._

 _Nami screamed again, and took off down the street. As she rounded the corner, she turned to see the Gorgon was hovering just around the corner, her eyes fixed on the fleeing girl. Nami ran down another street, but stopped abruptly when she found it was a dead end. She turned and saw the Gorgon slowly approaching her._

 _The clock had not yet struck midnight when Sanji woke to his phone ringing. "Hello?" he said. "Why, she left hours ago! Never made it home? I'll be right there!" As he hung up the phone, Professor Usopp walked into the room._

" _Was that Miss Nami's family?"_

" _Why, yes, how did you know?" Sanji asked._

" _I've just received a call from the police department. It seems tragedy has struck last night."_

" _My god!" Sanji declared. "My Nami-is she?"_

" _It was not her who perished last night, good man, but the constable."_

" _Oh, that's not so bad," Sanji said. "He was kind of a racist, anyway."_

" _All the same, we can afford to waste no time on the matter; we must stop the Gorgon from striking again!"_

" _But what will we do?" Sanji asked. "You said there is no cure…"_

" _No cure for the petrified, yes," said Professor Usopp, "but perhaps the Gorgon herself has some sort of weakness we may exploit. I have sent my man ahead to scout out where she sleeps; if we can find her there, we can put an end to her reign of terror before she finds another innocent victim!"_

" _Your man is doomed…" Both Sanji and Usopp looked up to see Madame Robin, standing in the archway to the front gardens._

" _How did you get in here?" Sanji asked._

" _Gypsies have ways, my good man. How else do you think we steal babies and-"_

"Dude!"

"Sorry!"

" _Your man is doomed to fall by the Gorgon's hand…" warned Madame Robin. "Defeating a Gorgon will take someone of great wit and skill, not a foolish hunchback like your apprentice."_

" _You mean to tell me you sent that poor simpleton to his death?" Sanji asked._

 _Usopp crossed his arms. "I have faith in my assistant. Madame Robin, perhaps you could tell us where the Gorgon sleeps?"_

" _The Gorgon does not sleep. She merely waits...for her next victim." Madame Robin turned to Sanji. "But I can assure you that your woman is alive. The Gorgon requires her for something else."_

" _Alive?!" exclaimed Sanji. "Oh, how wonderful!" He twirled around in a circle ecstatically. "I knew she would find a way!"_

" _There may yet be time to save your fiancee and the hunchback," she said. "The Gorgon has situated herself in the graveyard, in the largest tomb, beneath the broken cross. If you leave now, perhaps you'll be able to save them and stop the Gorgon."_

" _Well, then we must!" Sanji declared. "We must go after them, to save Nami!"_

" _Very well. Pack your things, Sanji. We must face the monster tonight!"_

 _The two men dressed quickly, then gathered a series of weapons and put them in a bag, before rushing outside. Madame Robin led them to the cemetery where the Gorgon had made her lair._

" _There," she said, pointing cryptically. "There is her tomb."_

" _Why," Sanji exclaimed, "there's Luffy!" He made to move forward, but Professor Usopp grabbed his arm._

" _Not yet," he said. "Let's watch."_

 _Luffy pushed the the stone slab off the tomb and entered the Gorgon's lair, where he found Nami tied to a chair. The Gorgon herself was nowhere to be seen._

" _Miss Nami!" said the hunchback. "Master said you might be here. Give me a moment to untie you."_

" _Luffy-" Nami warned, "-watch out!"_

 _Luffy turned around and saw the Gorgon gliding toward him, her eyes glowing red. She joined her hands together, and Luffy put his arms up to shield from her eyes. Then nothing happened, he looked at his hands, moving them._

" _Your powers don't work on me!" he declared gleefully._

 _The Gorgon stared at him, her stony face almost in an expression of confusion, but then she reached out and grabbed the hunchback by the throat._

" _No!" he choked. "No, no-!"_

" _Unhand him, you foul creature!" shouted Usopp as he pushed open the door, Sanji at his side, and both of them holding heavy blades and crosses._

" _Sanji!" Nami said. "I knew you would come for me."_

" _Don't look directly at the Gorgon, Sanji!" Usopp told him. "If you have any impure thoughts, she will turn you to stone!"_

 _The two of them rushed at the Gorgon, who threw Luffy's lifeless body aside. She pointed at Usopp, leaning back as far as she could to look down her nose at him. Usopp rushed at the Gorgon and she swiped at them, but the professor was too quick for her, ducking out of the way and slashing at her side. The blade bounced off her stone-like skin._

" _I've got you, Nami, my love!" Sanji declared as he tried to untie her from the chair._

" _Sanji, look out!" Nami warned as the Gorgon, seeing that her prize was about to be stolen from her, rushed at them. Sanji, surprised, whirled around to shield Nami. As he looked into the glowing red eyes of the Gorgon, he turned to stone._

" _Sanji!" Nami cried out. "Sanji?"_

" _He's turned to stone, I'm afraid," Usopp said._

" _That prick! You're supposed to be engaged to ME! Where do you get off having impure thoughts for other women?!"_

" _There might still be time to save him, Nami-"_

" _Who cares? I don't want to marry that unfaithful bastard now!"_

"That's cold, Nami-"

"Shut up, adulterer!"

"But Nami, you were my true love!"

"I was only marrying you for your money!"

 _ANYWAY… "I only have one chance at beating her!" Usopp said. He jumped up and shouted. "Take me, Gorgon! It's you or me!" The Gorgon rounded on him, hissing, and started to glide toward him._

 _Usopp reached into his bag and produced a mirror. Just as the Gorgon's eyes glowed red, he flashed the mirror into her face. The Gorgon froze in place, turned into a statue by her own power._

" _Usopp! You saved me!" Nami said. "You defeated the Gorgon!"_

" _Of course I did!" Usopp said confidently, and let out a hearty laugh. "Only the manliest of scholars could have pulled off a move like that!" And with that, he took Nami out of the tomb, into the sunrise. The terror of the Gorgon came to an end._

Usopp stood in the center of the living room, a smug look on his face as he set down his story, while the other five sat in…"awe" is not quite the right word.

"Wow, Usopp," Zoro said with a scowl. "Really laid it on thick there, didn't you?"

"Hey, it's my story," the long-nosed knight said defensively.

Robin smirked at Usopp, "What's with all the racism?" she asked.

"I didn't know it was racist! I was just trying to make it feel like one of those classic, golden age monster flicks!"

"You never explained why the Gorgon wanted Nami, either," Robin pointed out.

"I didn't?" Usopp quickly flipped through the pages he had. "Damn it, I must've left out that scene 'cause I was strapped for time!" He set the pages down and started to explain. "You see, she needed Nami for her blood, because…"

Sanji saddled up to Nami. "You know I would never fall for the Gorgon in real life, right, Nami?" he asked, batting his eyes.

"Nope!" Nami declared, "you already ruined it!"

"Oh, come on! That was Usopp who-"

"Too late!" Nami stood up and walked to the center of the room. "Now everyone settle down, it's my turn…" The group quieted down so that Nami could start her story...


	3. Chapter 3: Nami's Story

_Two lone figures stood at a bus station, holding newspapers over their head as futile shields from the rain. They had just left for their big getaway vacation before they had to save up for their wedding, but Usopp and Kaya had gotten off the bus to buy snacks, and now the bus was nowhere to be seen._

 _"It's been over an hour," said Kaya, looking at her watch. "Shouldn't a bus have passed through here by now?"_

 _"I don't know," her fiancee said as he squinted at the bus schedule. "They might not be running, since it's a holiday."_

" _Oh no," Kaya said. "Now we'll be stuck here, stranded in the middle of nowhere, until tomorrow! All because you had to get your Funyuns!"_

" _I have low blood sugar!" Usopp said defensively. "Besides, it's not so bad, you and me, alone here in the empty bus station...I bet no-one will be here all weekend." He waggled his eyebrows at his fiancee, who wasn't paying attention._

" _We could probably walk to that castle up there," she said, pointing to a foreboding castle on a cliff. "Maybe they have a phone or something we can use to call a taxi?"_

 _Usopp, however, was frozen in fear just looking at the castle. "C-c-c-castle?" he asked. "I-I don't see any castle!" He waved his hands frantically. "We should just stay here, where it's safe, and there's light!" As Usopp said this, however, the lights in the station flickered and went out._

" _You were saying?" Kaya said._

" _Let's go up to the murder castle," Usopp mumbled solemnly. The two of them walked up the path to the castle, unable to keep from getting completely drenched by the time they got to the huge double doors. Usopp walked up to the door, stuck his fist out, and gave a light tap on the wood._

" _Oh well, nobody's home!" Usopp said, immediately turning around and starting back down the path. Kaya grabbed him by the collar before he could get too far, and raised the huge brass knocker, slamming it against the door three times. A moment later, the door opened._

" _Good evening, my dear," sniveled Sanji, the creepy, hunchbacked butler with a monotonous voice and a sleazy grin._

"Ha ha, now you're the hunchback!"

"Can it, Straw Hat! I make it look good."

"You really don't." _Usopp immediately let out a yelp, but Kaya spoke up with confidence._

" _Sorry to disturb you at this late hour, sir," she said. "We just came from the bus station down at the bottom of the hill, and we were wondering if we could use your phone to call for a taxi to the nearest hotel?"_

 _Sanji leered at Kaya. "You look so cold," he said. "Please, come inside and, allow me to warm you up and find you something more...comfortable to wear." His mouth parted to reveal a mess of long, yellowed teeth._

" _I'm sorry, sir…" Kaya said coyly, "but I'm not that kind of girl."_

" _Hey, you!" Usopp said. "You'd better not be making a pass at my fiancee! When we got engaged, I vowed to defend her honor with my life!"_

" _Is that so?" Sanji asked. "Then why are your knees shaking?"_

 _Usopp's knees were clattering so much that he could barely stand. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" he said loudly._

 _At that moment, thunder clapped, and Usopp yelped and jumped into Kaya's arms._

" _You'd better come inside," Sanji repeated._

" _Okay," Usopp said, "but...just so that we can use the phone!"_

 _The two of them passed through the doors. No sooner had they done so than they noticed something had changed._

" _Our clothes!" Kaya squealed. "They disappeared! We're down to our underwear!"_

" _Speak for yourself!" Usopp said, covering himself. "What a day to go commando!"_

"Wait, why wouldn't you be wearing underwear?"

"I chafe in this armor!"

"Oh, my God, Usopp…"

 _Usopp turned to the strange butler. "Please, just direct us to your phone so that we can be on our way…!"_

" _But how can you talk about leaving already?" asked Nami, a maid with wild hair and heavy eyeliner, "You'll miss all the festivities!"_

 _She and Sanji opened the doors to a huge party, full of strangers in tuxedos, dancing together and singing along to music playing over a boom box, operated by Robin in a sparkly top hat and fishnets._

" _Boom boom boom," the song went, "let me hear you say way-o!"_

" _WAY-O!" shouted the crowd._

" _That's not the right song!" Nami snapped at Robin._

" _What is love?" played Robin, "baby don't hurt me! Don't hurt me, no more."_

" _God damn it!" Nami yelled._

" _YO! Ya-yo, ya-yo!"_

" _NO!" Nami shouted. "ANYTHING but that!"_

 _Robin finally found the right track, and the crowd started jumping to the left and stepping to the right in time with the music._

" _And it's the pelvic thrust, that really drives you insay-yay-yay-yane! Let's do the Time Warp again!"_

" _Usopp!" Kaya hissed, "we need to get out of here!"_

" _Alright," Usopp said. He marched over to the crowd, one hand covering his genitals, and shouted, "Hey! Who here can tell us how to get to Madison?"_

 _No one answered._

" _You know what, Kaya, we probably shouldn't be interrupting them anyway," Usopp said. "They seem like foreigners, maybe this is some kind of...folk dance."_

"Usopp, you really are a racist."

"I'm not! That's what it says in the script!"

 _It was at that moment that the ceiling opened up and lowered, in front of all of them, the master of the castle and host of this little get-together; Dr. Luffy D. Monkey, dressed in fishnets and lingerie._

"WHAT?!"

" _I'm just a sweet transvestite," Luffy sang, "from Transsexual, Transylvania!"_

"Oh my God, stop, stop," Robin said, clutching her sides as she laughed. "I can't anymore!"

"But I haven't even gotten to the best part!" Nami said.

"What's that?"

 _Dr. Monkey's greatest creation; Zoro in a gold speedo-his ideal man!_

"Ewwwww!"

"I could pull it off," Zoro said with a smirk.

"Jeez, Nami, you're really sick," Sanji said with a laugh.

"Oh, come on," Nami said, "I basically just ripped off _Rocky Horror Picture Show_."

"Ohhh," Luffy nodded. "I've never seen it."

"Seriously?" Nami said. Everyone shook their heads. "Pfft. _Virgins_."

Sanji's face went red. "What? You-you said you were, too!"

"I'm not talking about sex, you moron!" Nami said, her face turning pink as well as she smacked Sanji. "That's what you call someone who's never-you know what, nevermind!"

"Wait, I've seen it!" Usopp said.

"Thank you!"

"You just ripped off the entire movie!"

"What?"

"Yeah, that was exactly like Rocky Horror Picture Show, you barely even changed anything! I thought the point was to write an original story!"

"Oh, shut up, Usopp!" She sat down. "How about you tell your story next, Sanji?"

"What? Why me next?"

"How about because I said so?" Nami asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Okay, Nami," Sanji swooned. He pulled out his story and cleared his throat…


	4. Chapter 4: Sanji's Story

_A group of five college students had planned out a road trip to a cabin in the woods. There was Usopp, their long-nosed, cowardly driver; Luffy, the dim-witted, big-eating goof; Robin, the brilliant and mature beauty, Nami, the firey and intoxicatingly gorgeous seductress, and Sanji, the dashing hero._

"Wait a second, I'm not even in the story?"

"Be quiet, Zoro. Sanji, tell me more about how intoxicatingly gorgeous I am!"

"Well, since you asked-"

"Please, don't," said everyone who wasn't Nami.

 _Usopp's uncle had offered for them to spend a couple nights at the cabin that his coworker had inherited after his grandfather passed away. They were less than an hour away from the cabin when Usopp pulled over to get gas._

" _I'm gonna run inside and get snacks!" Luffy shouted._

" _Luffy, come back!" Nami said. "You don't have any money!"_

"Too real…" Luffy groaned.

 _As Usopp filled the gas tank, the other four wandered around what once may have been a very well-stocked convenience store, but today was a run-down, abandoned heap, stocked with nothing but off-brand potato chips and CLIF bars._

" _There's nothing here," whined Luffy. "Now we're gonna starve!"_

" _Luffy, we'll get dinner when we stop at the house," Robin pointed out._

" _I can't wait until then!"_

" _Turn back…" came a voice from the back of the store. The other four jumped to see a skeletal old man with an afro shambling out of the shadows._

" _Who are you?" Sanji asked defiantly._

" _Turn back," repeated the old man, "while you still can…!"_

" _What do you mean?" Robin asked. "Why should we turn back?"_

" _The cabin in the woods is cursed," the old man said. "No one who enters it ever comes out alive. Instead they fall prey to the infamous...Chainsaw Hunter Zoro."_

"Oh, there I am," Zoro interrupted, giving Sanji an appreciative thumbs up. "Nice."

" _The Chainsaw Hunter Zoro?" said Robin. "Who is that?"_

" _I've said all I can," said the old man, walking backwards into the shadows. "Please," he pressed, "turn back now. It's the only way for you to save your skins…" And, as he disappeared in the dark corner, he added, "well, those of you that HAVE skin…" From the shadows, he laughed. "SKULL JOKE!" he shouted. "Yo-hohohohohohohohohohoho…!"_

" _...Creepy…" Nami said. The gang looked at each other, each of them wondering if maybe they should reconsider their destination. But before they could voice their concerns, Usopp opened the door to the convenience store._

" _I filled up the gas tank!" he said. "Let's move!"_

 _And so they piled into the van. They told Usopp about what they'd heard, but, because there was no present danger, he responded by puffing out his chest._

" _I challenge anyone to get through me!" he declared. "Let this 'Chainsaw Hunter' come after us! I'm not scared!"_

" _Usopp, there he is now!" Sanji pointed out the window._

 _Usopp let out a scream, swerving away from what ended up being a speed limit sign. Everyone laughed, but they proceeded to the cabin all the same._

" _See? This doesn't look so bad," Usopp said as they approached a cozy-looking log cabin. It looked indiscernible from any other hunting cabin, with a firepit out front and a couple picnic tables by a creek out back, behind a big shed with chains on the doors. Further into the woods there was an old bomb shelter with metal doors that they all had a quick laugh about before Usopp went back to the cabin and grabbed the key that was hidden under the mat, so they could all enter the dark, dusty cabin._

 _The interior was a lot less inviting than the outside. It was so dark that they could barely see two feet in front of them, and what little light came from the boarded up windows only served to show them the swirling dust in the air._

" _This place is a mess!" Nami complained. There was broken furniture strewn across the living room as though someone had been in the process of leaving and had been suddenly interrupted._

" _Well, what do you expect?" Usopp asked. "We got the place for free!"_

" _So we're paying for our stay by cleaning it up?" Nami asked, but she seemed satisfied with this arrangement, since it meant she wouldn't have to spend any money._

"Shut up!"

" _We can probably clean this up pretty quickly," Sanji said. "Everyone take a room and clear it out. And so they did; for the next two hours, they cleared all the broken furniture out of the rooms and tossed it into the firepit. In so doing, they discovered that some of the windows were blocked by furniture, and they freed those up as well, letting the last rays of the sunset into the room._

" _Hey, guys!" Luffy called, as he finished cleaning the upstairs bedroom. "I found something!" It was an old diary, covered in dust. Luffy opened it up to see what it said, but he couldn't read it-_

"Okay, I'm not _that_ dumb!"

 _-because the handwriting was too messy._

"Oh."

 _Only a few words stood out to him. "Et...torva messor impsum...non potest...auferrent animam meam cogitarent..." Luffy read. "...What the hell does that mean?"_

" _What've you got there?" Robin asked, walking over to Luffy._

" _Just some old book," Luffy said as he made to put it back._

" _Can I have a look at it?" she asked. Luffy shrugged and handed her the book. Robin flipped through it._

 _Little did they know that at that moment, just outside, a hand was reaching out of an unmarked grave in the woods, pulling its body out of the ground. As his head broke into the air, the Chainsaw Hunter let out a deep zombie groan._ "See, moss-head? This role is perfect for you."

"Get on with the story, curly-brow."

 _Back inside, the gang was all hanging out in the main living room of the cabin, having drinks and shooting the shit, when they heard rattling and thumping coming from outside._

" _What's that?" Nami squealed._

" _Is someone out there?" asked Robin, looking out the window._

" _Someone needs to go check it out," Usopp said. He, Sanji, and Luffy played Rock, Paper, Scissors for it, but Luffy threw out "Fire" and was disqualified._

" _That's what you get for trying to cheat!" Sanji said with a laugh, and tossed him the keys. Grumbling to himself, Luffy went out back._

" _Hello?" Luffy said as he approached the sound of the noise. The zombie was standing in front of the shed, rattling the chains against the door and groaning. "Hey, there, buddy," Luffy said, walking slowly up to the zombie as though he were a dog. "You lost?" The green-haired cadaver turned around, groaning again, clicking his jaw and scratching at the door. "Oh, you wanna get in there?" Luffy asked. "Here, lemme see…" The monster politely stepped out of the way as Luffy walked up to the door and tried the key to the front door on the padlock. A second later, the chains fell to the ground. The double doors creaked open under their own weight._

" _There ya go!" Luffy said as the zombie stumbled into the shed as though he had been waiting for the bathroom. "So how'd you get all the way out here, anyway?" Luffy asked. "Do you need a ride back to town or something? Should we call someone-?"_

 _As if in place of a response, Luffy heard the sound of a chainsaw revving. It was followed by a second, then a third, and then the Chainsaw Hunter, now with a bandana tied around his head, and holding a chainsaw in each hand and one in his mouth, each one roaring with destructive power._

"Wait a minute, that's not how chainsaws work-"

 _The Chainsaw Hunter leapt forward. Luffy could barely let out a scream before the blades ripped open his flesh, his blood spurting across the dirt path and coating his killer, who smiled through the chainsaw in his mouth._

 _Back inside, Sanji, Usopp, and the girls were getting restless._

" _Luffy's been out there really long," Robin said. "Maybe one of us should go out and check on him?"_

" _I'm sure he's fine," Sanji said. "We just need something to take our minds off it all."_

" _I know," Nami suggested, "how about I do a strip-tease on the coffee table?"_

" _That'd definitely take MY mind off it!" Sanji said excitedly._

 _Nami began to unbutton her top-_ "Sanji, what the fuck?!"

"Hey, just keep going with the scene-"

"No, Sanji! Take this part out!"

"FINE. But just so you know, you're making me cut four pages of beautiful prose!"

 _There was a knock at the door._

" _That must be Luffy," Usopp said, getting up off the couch._

" _Wait a second," Nami said, "why would he knock if he had the key?"_

 _Usopp opened the door and came face to face with-_

" _The Chainsaw Hunter!" he shouted, and bolted into the cabin without closing the door. The Hunter revved his three chainsaws, and dashed through the room, cutting apart the couch that the other three had been sitting on._

" _Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod…!" Usopp chanted._

" _He was covered in blood!" Robin said. "Do you think that was...Luffy's?"_

" _It's too late for him now," Sanji declared. "We have to get to safety!"_

" _Quick!" Nami shouted. "The bedrooms!"_

 _The four of them scrambled out of the living room and ran upstairs and into what had been intended as Luffy's room. They slammed the door shut, and, for good measure, pushed a dresser in front of the door. "Do you think that'll hold?" Nami asked. As if to answer her question, a chainsaw started breaking through the door, throwing splinters everywhere._

 _"The window!" Robin shouted. The four of them rushed to the window and forced it open, climbing out one at a time._

 _"C'mon, Usopp," Sanji said, "Jump!"_

 _"We're two stories up," Usopp complained. "What if I break my knees?"_

 _As he complained, the Chainsaw Hunter burst through the remains of the door and the dresser, his three chainsaws revving dramatically._

 _"Fuck my knees," Usopp decided, and he jumped out the window. Sanji, who was brave enough to go last, took one last look over his shoulder at the Chainsaw Hunter. The green-haired zombie met Sanji's eyes and groaned. Sanji flipped him off before diving out the window. He rolled into his landing, then took off after his friends, leaving a confused zombie to figure out how to get down._

 _The four of them made a mad dash through the forest surrounding the cabin, dodging roots and low branches, until they could no longer hear the revving of the Hunter's chainsaws._

 _"I think we lost him," Robin said._

 _"I wanna go home," Usopp whined, "I wanna go home RIGHT NOW!"_

 _"Okay," Sanji said. "All we have to do is get back to-"_

 _"-the car," Nami interrupted. "Which means we have to go back toward the cabin-"_

 _"-where that maniac is!" Usopp groaned. "We can't, he'll kill us! We're all gonna die! There's nothing we could possibly do to-"_

 _Sanji grabbed Usopp by the scruff of his shirt and slapped him. "Get ahold of yourself, man!" he shouted. "We have to get back to the car so we can get home, and we can't do that with you freaking out on us!"_

 _"I'm sorry," Usopp said. "I don't know what came over me."_

 _"Guys," Nami interrupted as she stared off in the direction of the light from the cabin. "I think I may have figured out a way to beat the Chainsaw Hunter."_

 _"You did?!" they exclaimed._

 _"Well, you know how I'm such an avid reader and all, right?" Nami asked. "With a particular interest in history, second only to my interest in archaeology?" The others nodded._ "Are you sure this is supposed to be me? Because it sounds more like Rob-"

"Just keep going!"

 _"Well, Luffy was reading this diary, and I was able to translate a lot of it from Latin due to my interest in languages. He has an entry that dates back twenty years ago, where a group of students just like us had a run-in with him."_

 _"Did any of them survive?" Usopp asked._

 _Nami paused dramatically. "Only one," she said darkly. "And she survived by exploiting his one weakness."_

 _"What's that?"_

 _"The Chainsaw Hunter can-" but she was suddenly cut off, as a chainsaw burst through her chest._

 _"NO!" screamed Robin._

 _The Chainsaw Hunter tore through the rest of Robi-_ "I mean, Nami's" _-body, split down the middle, each side dropping to the ground in a bloody heap. The three survivors ran back toward the house, with the Chainsaw Hunter dashing close behind. They found the shed where the zombie's chainsaws had been locked, and dashed in through the backdoor-which, strangely, was unlocked. Luffy and Sanji put a wooden beam across it while Robin closed the front doors, wincing only briefly at the sight of Luffy's torn, bloody body._

 _"The car," she said, "we have to make it back to the car!"_

 _"It's right there!" Usopp said, "we're home free!" Just then, they heard the sound of a revving chainsaw, and the back door started to splinter._

 _"You go," Sanji said, "I'll hold him back."_

 _"We're not leaving without you!" Robin cried. "We've lost too many friends today!"_

 _"If I don't stay, then none of us are leaving at all," Sanji said._

 _"He makes a good point," Usopp nodded._

 _"But he'll kill you!" Robin said._

 _"Only if I die." Sanji winked at Robin, who, in spite of herself and the dire situation, swooned. She and Usopp nodded, and they pushed open the double doors, stepping over what was left of Luffy as Sanji faced down the zombie serial killer._

 _"Come on, you green-haired Romero reject!" Sanji said. "You think you can kill a lovely lady like Nami and get away with it?"_

"And me, too!"

"And Luffy, too, sure."

 _Usopp and Robin made it to Usopp's van. Usopp put his key in the ignition and turned it, but the car didn't start. "Come on, come on," he muttered, but the engine kept stalling._

 _"Get out and go see what's wrong!" Robin ordered._

 _"Why do I have to do it?"_

 _"It's your car!"_

 _Usopp couldn't argue with that, so he got out of the van and lifted the hood. "Oh no," he said. "The engine's been cut in half with a chainsaw!"_

"What the hell kind of chainsaw-"

 _"How are we going to get out of here now?" Robin asked. Before Usopp could answer, they heard the Hunter's chainsaw revving again as he started toward them._

" _Oh, no!" Usopp cried. He ran around the van, trying to get back in where he'd have a modicum of safety, but as he got to the door, the zombie got him. "No! Please!" Usopp screamed, holding onto the window and trying to crawl through. Robin and Usopp's eyes met. "Run," he told her, and let go of the window. Robin cried out as she heard his wails of pain as the Chainsaw Hunter sliced through him._

 _For a second the young woman was paralyzed, having lost the last of her friends, but then the Chainsaw Hunter looked at her, and fear compelled her to run. She instinctively grabbed the keys out of the ignition before running out of the van and dashed through the woods, her voice choked and her vision blurred by tears. She ran, all the while hearing the sound of the chainsaws behind her, until she tripped and fell against something hard. It was the bomb shelter they'd found earlier. Fumbling with Usopp's keys, she managed to open the door and duck inside, shutting it before the Chainsaw Hunter could catch up._

 _Robin didn't know how long she waited in the bomb shelter. It might have been thirty minutes, or hours might have gone by. She only knew that she was beginning to drift to sleep when someone banged on the door. She stood up, looking around for a weapon, until she heard the voice._

" _It's me. Open up!"_

 _Robin ran to the door and pulled it open. Sanji fell through the door and on the floor. He was covered in blood and exhausted, but looked mostly unharmed._

" _Sanji!" Robin said. "How did you make it out?"_

 _Sanji looked up at Robin and grinned. "You think I would let a shitty ghoul like that kill me?"_

" _Oh, Sanji, that's wonderful!" Robin threw her arms around Sanji's neck. Sanji winced in pain, but appreciated the contact. Then she pulled away. "But what if he comes back?"_

" _The diary," Sanji wheezed, giving Nami the book. "The girl who survived twenty years ago, she did it by losing the Chainsaw Hunter in the woods. Apparently his sense of direction is so bad that he'll wander around in circles until he collapses and gets buried again."_

" _Then, we're safe!" Robin said. "But, how long will we have to wait?"_

" _That's just it," Sanji said darkly, "who's to say for sure? We might be trapped in here for days, or months before it's safe to go back out!"_

" _Oh, Sanji," Robin said, burying her face in his chest. "I suppose there's only one thing to do, then."_

" _What's that?"_

 _She looked up and into his eyes and said, "Have really kinky sex because it might be our last chance."_

" _You read my mind," Sanji said._

 _And so they did, over and over again, for hours on end, while the Chainsaw Hunter walked around in circles, convinced he was taking a new path this time. The end._

"Oh my God, you're such a pig," Nami said, rolling her eyes.

"You're just jealous," Sanji said, pulling his cloak tighter around himself.

"As if!"

"Well, I liked it, Sanji," Robin told him, resting her hand on his shoulder. "It was a very good tribute to '70s and '80s slasher flicks."

"Thank you!" Sanji gave Nami a defiant look.

"I could have done without the over-the-top sex stuff, though."

"As if that curly-browed phantom could ever write something without sex in it."

"Say that to my face, you shitty rock star!"

"Guys, guys!" Usopp said. "Everybody quiet down. It's Robin's turn to tell her story."

"Alright," Robin said. "So this is a story that takes place one hundred years ago…"


	5. Chapter 5: Robin's Story

_What is known throughout Germany as Stierkämpfer Valley was so named for it had once owned by the Stierkämpfer clan, who had been a private family of great wealth until the last of them died, several decades past. It had since been bought by the enterprising Schlaufuchs family, and was now owned by the two brothers, Zoro and Usopp, who lived quiet lives, lording over the expansive household. Zoro had been estranged from his father ever since the day he was expelled from November University for drunkenness, and had spent much of his youth in the military, only returning after his father's untimely passing. Usopp, meanwhile, had become the favorite son, living closely at his father's side until his death, and marrying a young heiress named Kaya, who had born him a son of his own, Chopper._

"She gave birth to a reindeer?"

 _Kaya, unfortunately, had died in childbirth-_

"Probably because she gave birth to a reindeer."

 _-so the Schlaufuchs brothers sought to hire a governess for the boy. It was thus that I, Robin Nikonova, a young woman just out of college, traveled from my home in St. Petersburg to Stierkämpfer Valley, where I was to move into the house to be closer to the boy._

 _On my first night in the mansion, I was greeted at the door by a tall, skeletal butler with curly black hair, who escorted me to what was to be my quarters. He introduced himself only as Mr. Brook, and claimed that he had worked for the Schlaufuchs family for over 70 years._

' _Should you need anything, you need only ring the bell,' he instructed. 'If we do not respond, forgive us, for we are operating on a skeleton crew.' This caused the old butler to laugh loudly, declaring that he had made a 'skull joke'._

 _From him, I was able to learn that the brothers had fallen on hard times after a few of Usopp's investments had failed to play out as he had hoped. Mr. Brook assured me that this would not affect my pay of two marks per day, but that it had caused them to let go many beloved staff members over the years. It also explained, though Mr. Brook did not say as much himself, why the mansion was so devoid of decoration. The halls had no statues, nor potted-plants,and the only painting I happened to see was a portrait of a tall, blond man with a curiously curled eyebrow, dressed in regal clothes of decades past; I would later come to discover that this was the last of the Stierkämpfer line._

' _We thought, once, to sell it,' Usopp one day admitted, 'but I've gazed on that portrait for my entire life. I confess I could not bear to part with it.'_

 _At dinner, I became acquainted with the two brothers. The widower Usopp was a personable fellow, jovial enough and eager to please. His brother was more sullen, and kept to himself, only coming out of his secluded room at mealtimes. The mansion was largely empty, I found, with barely any staff beyond Mr. Brook, a Swedish maid named Nami Vackermore, a chef by the name Francis Eisenmann, and a gardener. This gardener, a Spaniard named Luffy DeMonques, was something of a scoundrel, I soon found, hated by the brothers for his refusal to follow instructions and tendency to sleep at work._

 _I had been at the house for just over two weeks when I came down to the dining room to hear a heated discussion between the gardener and the elder of the Schlaufuchs brothers. From the discussion I was able to gather that the gardener had, once again, been caught sleeping instead of doing his work._

' _I'll not have it!' said Zoro furiously. 'Our lawn is overgrown, our garden unflowered, our trees wither and die, and here you sit, asleep! For what do we pay you for, boy?'_

"I'unno."

"Luffy, that's not what it says."

"Oh, right." ' _Pay me, sir? I've a mind to laugh! I'm given no more than six marks for a day's work, and that's scarcely enough for a good night of_ horsing _or wining!_ "

"It says 'whoring', Luffy."

"Oh."

"Yeah, and I think you're whining plenty."

"Shut up!"

 _It was now that the gardener saw that I had entered the room. He pointed to me with his unwashed, grubby finger and hissed, 'I'll bet you pay more for that tart to pamper your brother's bastard than you do me!' He spat on the floor between us._ "Wow, I'm a real dick in this one!"

' _I've heard enough!' shouted Zoro. 'We will not tolerate your obscenities any longer! You are to vacate the premises by tonight!'_

 _My employers would disagree, but I found the gardener's response queer. A smile danced across his lips, almost as though he knew something that we did not. "Fine, then," he said. Then he pointed at Zoro menacingly. "Very soon, I will have no need of your employment any longer!"_

" _Oh, just get out!" Zoro kicked Luffy._

 _That night, Luffy packed his things, which fit in a single bag. He took with him two shirts, a pair of shoes, his Bible, the knife he used for protection. Whereas two months ago he may have made off with some silverware, as the Schlaufuchs brothers were expecting, he did not bother tonight, for his sights were set on a different treasure._

 _Rather than going to town to find himself an inn to stay at, Luffy instead made his way to the back of the grounds, where no-one but the gardener ever ventured. Weeks ago, he'd discovered the old tomb of the Stierkämpfer family, hidden in a grove on the edge of what was considered the brothers' property. It had long been believed that the tomb held heirlooms of incalculable value, hidden away by the last of the Stierkämpfers before his death. In a few moments, Luffy would be rich enough to never have to pull another weed, nor trim another hedge. 'This time next year, those two will be working for me!'_

 _The disenfranchised gardener found the grove fairly easily, and the tomb was exactly where he remembered it. With the help of a gardening tool, he forced it open. Luffy had been expecting the tomb to be filled to the brim with gold or jewels, and had spent the last few weeks fantasizing about all the treasures he would discover. He had even been thinking to himself that he might need to make more than one trip, as his little sack could only carry so much. But what he found was a fairly disappointingly normal stone tomb, empty except for a marble sarcophagus in the center._

 _Luffy let out a string of curse words as he explored the mausoleum. 'This can't be it; not after all I've done to get here!' But after the search-_

"Hold on."

"What's up?"

"This story's in first person, right? So how come we know everything that's going on here, when the narrator's not around?"

"Um…"

"Let her read the story, Nami!"

"Anyway…" _But after the search proved fruitless, he turned his eyes to the sarcophagus in the center. 'Perhaps that is where the treasure is kept,' he thought. At the very least, the body might have some accessories he wasn't using. And so, using his gardening tool, he forced the sarcophagus open…_

 _Elsewhere on the property, the maid was wandering around late at night. Nami had a bit of a drinking problem-a holdover from her alcoholic mother-and so she could often be found wandering the grounds in a state of intoxication. She had often thought that the fresh air might help to sober her up, or at least prevent the drinking to bite her in the morning, although she had yet to experience any such reprieve. On that night, however, she spotted, for what may have been the first time in her career as a maid, a man, wandering the grounds alone._

' _Hello?' she slurred, certain it was the gardener. 'Luffy, is that you? I heard the boss fired you today-'_

 _But as the figure came closer, though she did think him familiar, he was not the disgraced gardener. He was a tall, lanky man with blond hair and a swirl pattern in his eyebrow. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or simply the shock of seeing the spitting image of the family's painting, but she found herself frozen as the man approached her, a smile playing across his lips, extending his hand to her._

' _You should not walk alone this late at night,' warned the man, the smile never leaving his face. 'You might encounter...predators.'_

 _Nami could do no more but scream._

 _Her screams echoed across the grounds. The residents of the Schlaufuchs house were roused, but when they heard nothing else, we all went back to sleep._

 _The following morning, we were all seated silently for breakfast. Chopper had yet to wake, and I was still thinking back to Zoro's words the day before. I could not forget the way his face had contorted when Luffy had insulted me, and the fury in his eyes when he admonished the gardener. Had he meant to defend me simply out of principle? Or perhaps I should take his words to mean more?_

"Moss-head's words never mean more than face value."

"Shut up!"

 _I was pulled forcibly from my thoughts when in walked the maid. Upon seeing her, I let out a gasp. She looked disheveled, her clothes rumpled and her hair wild. Her face was so pale I might think she were the walking dead, but for her eyes, which were bright with ecstasy. She had a dreamy look on her face, and slumped into a chair._

' _Nami!' Zoro said. 'What do you mean, coming down to breakfast like this? Have you no shame?'_

' _Mm, not today, sir,' she murmured. 'I've had the most wonderful dream…'_

' _Whatever about?' queried Usopp._

' _Oh, I could not say,' the maid breathed. 'But were it in my power, I would just as soon abandon this dreary reality and go back to that dream world for all eternity…'_

' _Well, that would put us out of sorts,' chuckled Usopp. 'Who would arrange the ballroom for our annual masquerade?'_

 _The Schlaufuchs Masquerade was the last gasp of the family's place of importance in Stierkämpfer Valley. Held every year at the height of that year's harvest, the local families of import would dress up in lavish costume and spend the night in the Schlaufuchs mansion, with politicians and socialites alike setting aside old rivalries for a night of rapture and festivity. The Schalufuchs did all they could to make the mansion presentable, and call back the appearance of wealth-_

"Hey, Robin, where's all the gore and stuff? I'm getting bored."

"Horror isn't all blood and guts, Zoro! Sometimes it's about atmosphere, and foreshadowing!"

"Yeah, well, that foreshadowing better turn into shadowing soon, 'cause I'm falling asleep."

"Alright, alright." _I witnessed firsthand the extent to which the house could be made to look extravagant despite the family's destitution that very night, as I descended the steps in a ballgown of my own, to drift among the various figures of Stierkämpfer Valley. I had never been to a party quite so exclusive before, and counted myself blessed._

 _At half-past six, when the party had long been underway, and just after the sun had set, a knock came at the door. The whole party fell silent; who could have arrived so late? Mr. Brook went to the door and opened it and greeted none other than the gardener, dressed in a ratty brown suit of his own._

' _Luffy!' he cried. 'You should not be here. You were very explicitly fired just yesterday!'_

' _On the contrary, you old skeleton. I have every right to be here,' sneered the gardener. 'Every year we're expected to attend this farce, ain't we? Well, I don't recall being UNinvited at any point, so here I am.'_

 _The elder of the Schlaufuchs brothers stepped forward. 'You know damn well-'_

' _Don't make a scene, brother…' whispered Usopp. Then, to the intruder, he said, 'Very well. You may attend the party, if it so please you. But should you try anything untoward-anything at all-we have the right to remove you.'_

' _And what right is that?' came another voice from the doorway. Everyone turned to see the tall, blond man from the night before, dressed in robes of years past, looking every bit the image of the Stierkämpfer heir whose portrait hung across from the door. His eyes flitted to the painting, and the subtlest of smiles played across his lips at the recognition._

' _By god,' said one of the partygoers, 'Tis a spirit!'_

' _I am no spirit,' said the man, 'Nor an apparition. I am but the rightful heir to this house and the lands it resides in. My name is Sanji Stierkämpfer, the last of the Stierkämpfer line.'_

' _Why,' Usopp said, 'that is old Stierkämpfer's name! But they say you died years ago!'_

' _Not I, usurper. My great-grandfather, for whom I am named and am told I bear an exact resemblance. By the looks of that painting, I suppose it is true. Now,' he looked directly into the eyes of the elder Schlaufuchs brother, 'won't you invite me in?'_

 _The two brothers exchanged a pregnant gaze. Usopp was as yet unconvinced of the veracity of this man's history; was tonight not the night when spirits tried desperately to enter the houses of unwitting mortals? To invite a spirit into one's home was a bad omen indeed. Zoro, however, knew no such superstition; his thoughts were focused on the mess this stunt would cause on their social status. Another man, claiming to be the rightful heir to their home and fortune, would surely be the talk of the town. The only recourse Zoro could see was to treat the man with the utmost politeness, at least until they could arrange a banker to dismiss the claim._

' _Enter,' Zoro commanded, through gritted teeth. Then he added, 'Please.'_

' _Why thank you,' said the Stierkämpfer heir as he strode into the house. The festivities proceeded to commence once more, but gone was the gay revelry of before. Now there was an undertone of tense whispers as the guests wondered about this strange man._

' _I did well, didn't I, o great master?' snivelled Luffy._

' _Quiet, you dolt!' said Sanji, kicking the gardener. 'We cannot let these people know what I am. While we are here, do not call me Master, or I shall ensure that you never taste the eternity you seek.'_

' _Very well, o great master,' Luffy said, then added, at a look from Sanji, '...bater.'_

 _If the nobleman had a mind to respond to his servant's words, he missed his opportunity, for at that moment, he was greeted by a shrill cry from Nami. She had scarcely been able to think of anything beyond their encounter the night before, one which was so magical and enthralling, she had begun to doubt her own mind, and she was beginning to fear that he was not real at all, but a figment of her lonely imagination._

"Oh, HELL no! I'm not reading this, especially not about Sanji!"

"Nami-swan, why would you say that…?"

"Nami, you have to! Remember that you're under his spell, everything you say is because of his thrall!"

"Ugh, fine." _Nami joined her hands and spoke in a shrill, sing-song voice. 'Oooh, there's that dead, sexy man-muffin, Lord Stierk_ _ä_ _mpfer! Gawd, I wish he'd poke my throat with his long, hard fang again!'_

"Alright, enough!"

 _The look on the nobleman's face was one of only a vague recognition, overwhelmed by boredom. As he cast his gaze through the crowd, his clouded eyes locked with my limpid ones, shining with curiosity and wonder. With a mumbled 'Pardon me,' he glided through the crowd to settle in front of me. 'My dear,' he said, 'how have I not yet made your acquaintance? A woman of such beauty and grace should surely have been presented to me no sooner than when I entered the mansion.'_

' _Oh my,' I whispered as he made a deep, gracious bow, then took my hand and kissed it. 'Y-your hands are so cold...'_

"...And that's as far as I got," Robin announced, setting down her notebook and looking up at the rest of the group.

"You didn't finish it?" Sanji asked. "I was starting to get into it."

"It's probably because she spent so much time writing out those flowery descriptions," Zoro muttered, which earned him a swift kick from Sanji.

"Sorry, Robin," he said, "I guess _some_ of us can't appreciate the subtlety of gothic romance!"

"Sanji, you were texting me through her entire story," Nami pointed out.

"Wow, you're really gonna blow me up like that?" Sanji said, and he almost looked a little hurt.

"At least Robin actually wrote her story," Usopp laughed. "She didn't copy it from a movie."

"Okay, Usopp, give it a rest," Nami said.

"I'm only joking."

"Yeah, whatever. Zoro, do you have a story for us?"

"Nah, I didn't feel like writing anything," Zoro said, putting his hands behind his head and leaning back in his seat.

"I'm not surprised," Sanji said, "given you can barely string words together as it is."

"Well, I guess I could have wrote a story about me hitting on Nami for fifteen minutes," Zoro said, shooting Sanji a glare.

"That's pretty rich, coming from the guy who refused to participate," Sanji snapped.

"Alright, guys, there's no need for fighting," Robin said. "Why don't we watch a movie or some-"

"Or go trick-or-treating!" Luffy shouted, hopping up. Everyone stared at him in awe, as he grinned at them all.

"...Read the room, dude," Usopp said. Everyone seemed to be in a bad mood now, with Nami glowering at the back of his head, while Sanji and Zoro snarled at each other.

"I...don't think we're really up for trick-or-treating tonight, Luffy," Robin said.

"Well, then, I'll go by myself," Luffy declared, grabbing his coat and hat.

"What, right now?" Usopp said. "It's 8 o'clock!"

"Yeah, I don't want to miss out on all the good candy!" Luffy shouted as he walked out the front door. With him gone, the others sat quietly, no longer in a party mood.

"Do you wanna, like, watch a movie or something?" Usopp asked.

"We should do something a little more interactive," Sanji said, glancing over at Nami. She waved her hand dismissively.

"It's fine," she said. "We can watch something."

"What's going on?" Robin asked. "You guys have been giving each other looks all night."

"Well," Sanji glanced at Nami, but she shrugged, and he took that to mean she was okay with him sharing. "We kind of threw this party to get Nami's mind off her midterm."

"Did you get a bad grade?" Robin, who was in the same class, asked.

"I don't know yet," Nami said. "But I wrote a paper about _Frankenstein_ and I'm pretty sure he's gonna give it a bad grade."

"Well, what was the paper about?" Usopp tried to ask.

"I'm not talking to you," Nami said. "Anyway, I don't want to talk about my grade tonight. This party was to make me forget about it-"

"If you want some peace of mind," Robin chimed, "he uploaded the grades this morning."

"What?!" Nami said.

"Yeah, I got a B+, so I'm sure you didn't do too badly," Robin said, but Nami had already stood up and was heading upstairs to her room.

"Nami-!" Sanji called.

"God, Sanji, can you leave her alone?" Zoro snapped. "Give her some space, for crying out loud."

"I'm just trying to look out for my friend," Sanji shot back.

"As if," Zoro said. "You wouldn't care if it were any of the rest of us. You're just hoping if you're nice enough, Nami will let you get in her pants."

The room fell silent. Usopp and Robin stared at the two of them. For a second, it looked like Sanji was going to punch Zoro, and to be honest, he wasn't all that sure himself. But after a few seconds, he took a deep breath, and walked out of the room, going upstairs after Nami.

Nami's door was a crack open, and she was sprawled on the bed in front of her laptop. "Hey," Sanji said, tapping lightly on the door. He didn't get a response. "That bad, huh?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"He gave me a fucking D," Nami said.

"Oh, shit." Sanji sat down on the bed next to her. "That sucks."

"'Sucks' doesn't cut it, Sanji," Nami said. "'Cause the midterm is 50% of our grade, so I have to bust my ass to even get a C at this point. A C isn't good enough for me to keep my scholarship, which means I'll have to retake this class next fall-cause they don't offer it in the spring, I know, I just checked-and it won't be covered so I have to find a way to pay out of pocket-"

"Slow down, Nami," Sanji said with a laugh. "There's no guarantee it's gonna be that bad. Just take a deep breath, come back to the party, and on Monday we'll talk to the teacher and get the grade fixed."

"He's not gonna change the grade," Nami said darkly. "Omatsuri never changes a grade once it's posted."

"Well, he's never spoken to me after my closest friend's been hurt," Sanji said, putting his arm around Nami. He intended it to come off as sweet or comforting, but Nami shot him a glare.

"You're really incorrigible, you know that?" Nami asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you always find a way to twist the situation so you can hit on me."

"Hey, whoa," Sanji said, sitting back. "I wasn't trying to hit on you, I'm just trying to help."

"So what?" Nami asked, "so maybe I'll reward you by letting you into my pants?"

"That is not fair," Sanji said, standing up. "Why does everyone assume I'm some kind of asshole who only helps out so I get laid? It's actually really insulting." Then, before he could stop himself, he added, "Did you ever once stop to consider that maybe I'm doing all this because I genuinely care about you, not just as a piece of ass, but as someone who's really important to me?"

Sanji didn't realize how Nami might take what he said until it was already out of his mouth. He hadn't meant it as some kind of dramatic confession...but now that it was out in the open, it certainly felt like that was exactly what he'd done.

"I think maybe it's time you leave, Sanji," Nami said.

"I think you're right," he agreed, and walked out of her room.


	6. Chapter 6: Trick-or-Treating

Now is probably as good a time as any to check in with the only person in their group who wasn't invited to Nami's party; Chopper. He was used to not getting invited to stuff-after all, most of the gang was in college now, and most campuses aren't very welcoming to reindeer. On top of that, a lot of the places they liked to go-bars, restaurants, aquariums-didn't really allow for reindeer either, so he had become accustomed to hanging out with the gang only when they had plans outdoors, or somewhere more accomodating.

So he'd started off his Halloween hanging out by himself in the barn Luffy had set him up in. Luffy had left him a TV that was hooked up to an extension cord, and a bunch of Halloween-themed DVDs to watch- _Dawn of the Dead_ , _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ , _Creature From the Black Lagoon_ -but he'd neglected to turn the TV on, and Chopper wasn't comfortable handling discs with his hooves, so he'd just been wandering around the barn by himself, bored. Besides, what Chopper really wanted to do was go trick-or-treating.

Luffy and Usopp had sat him down a few nights ago and tried to explain what "trick-or-treat" was.

"You go up to people's doors," Luffy had said, "knock on them, and when they open them, you shout 'TRICK OR TREAT'!" He pumped his fists into the air, falling over backwards.

"Really?" Chopper asked, excited, but confused. "Why?"

"So they'll give you candy!" Luffy said.

"What?!" Chopper loved candy. "They just give you candy for no reason?!"

"Well," Usopp said slyly, "if they don't give you a treat, then you get to trick them." He tried to explain that the houses that turn you away get "T. ", but then Chopper needed him to explain that "T.P." stood for "toilet paper", and Chopper didn't know what a "toilet" was...but the main takeaway was that you got free candy. So as Chopper paced around the barn, thinking about candy, he resolved to go out and give this this "trick or treat" thing a shot.

The barn was always left unlocked, so Chopper had no trouble getting out and following the path he remembered from walking with Luffy and the gang that led straight into the suburbs. Looking around, he was delighted to see the bright lights and spooky decorations of Halloween. Ghouls and gremlins hung off porches, vampires and werewolves and witches hung out of windows, plastic graves and rubber hands sprouted from lawns, and every house had a jack-o-lantern or two, or three. Chopper's mind filled with images of Reese's peanut butter cups, and Kit-Kat bars, and Jolly Ranchers, and Milky Ways, and Snickers, and Babe Ruths. His mouth watered as he clopped over to the first house on his path, a small one-story house with a light-up ghost on the stoop, and tapped the door with his hoof.

A second later, a man opened the door. He had to be in his late fifties or early sixties, and was wearing the bowler hat and nailbrush mustache of Charlie Chaplin-not that either of those descriptors meant anything to Chopper. As soon as the door was open, the reindeer bleated "TRICK OR TREAT!" Charlie Chaplin stared at him for a second, mouth agape.

"My God," he said, then his eyes lit up, "that is the _finest_ reindeer costume I have ever seen! You look absolutely fabulous!"

"Aww, shut up! I don't need your stupid compliments!" Chopper said, bobbing his head bashfully and pawing at the stone steps. The old man didn't seem to pay this much mind, though, as he grabbed a bowl of chocolates for Chopper.

"Okay, now, do you have a bag?"

"Huh?" Chopper said. "Why?"

"Well, you need a bag or a bucket or _something_ to carry your candies, of course!"

 _Oh, crap!_ Chopper thought. He hadn't even considered that! He looked around frantically for something that might hold candy-preferably a lot of it. "Excuse me!" he shouted as he took off down the stoop.

"Hey-wait!" Charlie Chaplin shouted, but Chopper was long gone. The old man sighed, and he unwrapped a Twix for himself as he shut the door.

Chopper's eyes darted around the street. There were a couple kids wandering around, and now he could see that they all were carrying something-plastic bags, pumpkin-shaped buckets, even pillowcases. He had to get one of his own.

In front of the cemetery, Chopper spotted an orange jack-o-lantern bucket that had been left unattended. _Jackpot!_ he thought, and ran over to grab it.

"Hey!" someone called. "That's mine!"

Chopper looked up to see a little girl in a green dress, a pointed hat, and wearing fake ears, pointing directly at him. _I've been had!_ Chopper darted through the gates and into the cemetery, looking for a hiding spot. He found a large gravestone topped with an angel and hid his face behind it, but failed to hide the rest of his body, and so a second later, someone tapped him on the back.

"I'll be taking that back, sir!" declared a voice confidently. The person speaking was a skinny guy with a brown ponytail and glasses, wearing a fake beard and a red Santa suit. When Chopper turned around to look at him, though, the man's confidence seemed to melt away-after all, Chopper was a full-grown reindeer with a head of full-sized antlers, and pretty intimidating when you looked at him. Realizing this, Chopper lowered his head, aiming to toss Santa aside and continue on his mission to get candy, but the man quickly shouted "Wait, wait, wait!" Chopper paused. "Look, man...my kids are watching," the guy said. "Can you just...y'know...make it _look_ like I beat you?"

Chopper turned his head over to where the little girl was standing, right next to a boy and an older teenage girl, both dressed in green elf costumes as well. He turned back to the dad.

"You want me to pretend to lose to you?" he asked.

"Yes," the father said, unperturbed by the talking reindeer.

"Okay..." Chopper said, "but then I need you to give me one of your buckets so that I can go trick-or-treating, too."

"Hm...I think I can do you something better."

"Is Papa...talking to the reindeer?" the boy asked his sisters, who both shrugged.

"I beat you, you dirty animal!" the father shouted, and he bopped Chopper lightly on the head.

"Ow!" Chopper cried. "I've been beaten, fair and square by this brave man!"

"Stay down, you stinky beast!" Papa bopped him again.

"Ouch! What a humiliating defeat!"

"Now, hand over my daughter's bucket, you foul-smelling monster!"

"(Hey, tone it down with the 'stinky' stuff.)"

"(Sorry.)"

"You can't be serious," said Santa's daughter, glancing up from her phone. "We just watched you whispering-"

"Yay!" the boy and the girl shouted. "Papa beat the monster!"

"Seriously?!" their older sister said. She took the two children aside and told them, making no effort to be quiet, "Don't trust Papa, guys. He's a _liar_ and a _coward_."

"How can you say that about your beloved father?" whined Santa.

"I say it because it's true," muttered the teenage girl, pulling out her phone once again.

Chopper, who had been quietly watching this go down, cleared his throat.

"Right! I have good news, children!" Papa announced, walking back up to Chopper. "I found a reindeer to complete our costume!"

"Hello," Chopper said shyly.

"Whoa!" said the boy.

"A real-life reindeer!" said the girl.

"He can talk?" said the teenager.

"These are my kids," Papa explained, "my son Rick, my little girl Daisy, and my eldest Rosa."

"You wanna come trick-or-treating with us?" asked Daisy, apparently unperturbed by Chopper having tried to steal her bucket.

Chopper pawed at the ground sheepishly. "Uhm...okay…" he said.

"YAY!" cheered Rick and Daisy. "C'mon, let's go get some candy!"

And so Chopper spent the next hour walking around with the three kids and their father, stopping at houses to knock on the door and get loads of candy. Everyone seemed really excited to see Santa, his elves, and a reindeer, and pretty soon, even Rosa was laughing and having fun.

Luffy, however, was not having nearly as much success. Starting from Nami's neighbors, he'd been ringing doorbells and getting no answer. In a couple windows he saw people peering out and then shutting their blinds, and some houses shut their lights off when they saw him approaching. Only one house had opened its door when he rang the bell.

"Trick or treat!" he shouted, holding out his empty pillowcase.

"What?" said the little old lady with thick, coke-bottle glasses who opened the door.

"I said," Luffy repeated, "trick or-"

"We heard what you said!" called an old man wearing sunglasses from a rocking chair inside the house. "We're not giving you no candy!"

"What?!" Luffy asked angrily. "Why not?!"

"Aren't you a little old to be trick-or-treating?" wheezed a second man with a long white beard.

"Yeah, go get a job and buy your own candy!" agreed a second woman in a bonnet. With that, the old lady closed the door on Luffy's face.

"Hey!" he shouted, and began pounding on the door again. "Open up and give me your candy, you old geezers!" He reared up a punch that might put a hole in their door, but froze when he heard someone call his name.

"Luffy?"

Luffy turned around to see Chopper and the kids, standing at the bottom of the steps. "What are you doing here?" Chopper asked. "I thought you were at Nami's."

"I left to go trick-or-treating," Luffy said. "What are you doing here?"

"Same," Chopper said, then added, "Excuse me," as he walked up the steps with the three kids in tow. They knocked on the door. "Trick or treat!" they shouted.

"Oh my…" said the same old lady from before. "Is...is that real?" She pointed at Chopper.

Luffy was about to yell something at the old lady again, but Papa spoke up.

"Is that your reindeer?" he asked.

"Huh?" Luffy said. "Chopper is his own reindeer."

"He has a kind heart," observed the skinny Santa Claus. "He's really brightened up my kids' Halloween." The man turned to look at Luffy, smiling. "I work a lot, so I don't usually get to see my kids as much as I'd like. Especially Rosa; this is probably the last time she'll go trick-or-treating. I'm very thankful that your friend was able to make tonight special for her."

"Well," Luffy said, "that's just how Chopper is. That's why he's part of my crew!"

"Your crew, eh? Well, you're very lucky, young man," Papa said. "If there's anything I can do to repay you and your 'crew', just let me know." Luffy watched as the kids reunited with their father and they headed back down the street.

"Oh, shit!" Luffy said, smacking his hand. "I should have asked for some of their candy."

Luffy continued to the edge of the suburbs, watching as the lights turned off as he went. "People these days are so stingy," he grumbled to himself as he came up on the last house on the street, a one-story house with a light-up ghost on the stoop. Delighted that the occupants hadn't turned off the lights, the college-aged trick-or-treater knocked on the door.

"TRICK OR TREAT!" he shouted as the door opened, and launched himself into the house, barrelling into the little man who'd opened the door. Unaware of what he'd done, Luffy looked left and right. "Hello? Who opened the door?"

"Down here," wheezed the man. Luffy looked down to see a man in a Charlie Chaplin costume, holding a bowl of candy so that it didn't spill.

"Sorry," Luffy said, stepping off the man. "You're the first person to open the door for me!"

"Is that so?" the little man sat up. "Well, you're the first person I've gotten to give candy to."

"Huh?" Luffy said. "Really?"

"Yes," the man said solemnly. "My house is on the end of the cul-de-sac, so a lot of parents don't even make it this far. By the time the kids get here, they're too tired to go on."

"Well, I guess that means more candy for you, huh?" Luffy said with a grin.

The man chuckled. "Yes, I suppose so," he said. "Won't you come in? It's been a while since I had company."

Luffy followed the man to his living room, which was well-lit, with two big armchairs and walls of photographs. On a big, old-fashioned tube T.V., he was playing _The Wolfman_. Luffy peered at some of the photographs.

"So, what brought you to my humble home?" the man asked as he sat down in a big loveseat.

Luffy turned to him, then sat down in one of the big armchairs. He sank into it, almost entirely engulfed by the soft cushions. "Every house I went up to shut their lights off!" Luffy complained. "No one even let me knock!"

"Ah, yes," the man nodded. "Back when I was young, I used to have that same problem…" He sighed and looked at the photographs on the wall. Luffy followed his gaze to one large photograph of some eight or nine boys, dressed in identical white shirts, makeup, and bowler hats. If Luffy were more cultured, he would have recognized the uniform of _A Clockwork Orange_.

"Is that the guy from Panic! at the Disco?"

"My friends and I used to go trick-or-treating well into our college years," the man explained, "Until it got to the point that when people saw us coming down the streets, they'd shut their lights off. At that point in the night, they knew that all the kids had gone home and only teenagers and college kids would be trick-or-treating."

"Yeah," Luffy grumbled, taking a chocolate from the bowl, "It sucks."

"Oh, it didn't bother us at all," the man chortled.

"It didn't?" Luffy asked, his mouth full. "Why not?"

"Well, the real fun was making our costumes and hanging out together," the man said. "We were old enough that if we really wanted candy we could go out and buy it ourselves, so we didn't much care, as long as we got to spend time together." He sighed, looking at the photo again.

"...What happened to them?" Luffy asked.

The man smiled. "Life," he said. "Some of them got married, had kids, moved away for work...a couple of them died." He shrugged. "It happens to all of us, there's no avoiding it. All we can do is enjoy the time we have together while we have it."

Luffy nodded, his lips pursed as he thought. Then he stood up, the couch making a squelching sound as it released its prey.

"I've got to get back to my friends," he declared.

The man chuckled again. "Very well," he said. "It's been a pleasure talking with you, young man." He stood up and led Luffy to the door. "You can take as much candy as you want, by the way," he added.

"Really?!" Luffy said, his eyes shining with excitement.

"Of course," the man said, "I'm probably going to turn in for the night myself. Happy Halloween!"

"Happy Halloween to you too, Mr. Hitler!" Luffy said as he dashed for the door.

"I-I'm not Hitler, I'm-" the man tried to explain, but Luffy was long gone. The man sighed to himself, shut the door, and went back to his movie.

Luffy showed back up at Nami's house and burst through the door to find the sorry scene he had left. Zoro had put on a movie, which he and Usopp were watching absent-mindedly, and Robin had sat down with her laptop, intent on getting some homework done now that the party seemed to be winding down. Sanji was right in front of the door, putting on his coat.

"What are you doing?" Luffy asked.

"It's late, Luffy," Sanji said. "I'm going home."

"You can't go home yet!" Luffy said, slamming the door. "Where's Nami?"

"She's upstairs," Usopp said. "What's the big emergency?"

"Someone go get her," Luffy said. "It's time for me to tell _my_ story."


	7. Chapter 7: Luffy's Story

_It was Halloween, and Luffy and his crew were excited about trick-or-treating. They'd been planning their costumes all year, ever since they'd decided last Halloween. They'd decided they were going to go as characters from Voltron. Luffy, was the leader, so he was Keith. Usopp was the smart one, so he was Pidge. Zoro was the biggest, so he would be Hunk. Sanji was Lance, and Nami would be Princess Allura._

"What about me?" Robin asked.

 _Robin was friends with Nami's sister, so she was escorting them. She didn't have a costume, so she bought a dinosaur mask at iParty instead._

 _They'd been trick-or-treating for hours. Every year they made a bet with themselves to get more candy than they had the year before. Last year, they'd gone home with 250 pieces, so this year they had to beat that. Fortunately, they were on a roll. So far, they'd gotten Kit-Kats, and Babe Ruths, and Reese's cups, and Butterfingers, and Paydays, and Snickers, and Twix, and Milky Ways, and-_

"Luffy, you're drooling on the floor."

 _-but they still hadn't met their goal._

 _"One more house should do it," Usopp said. When they got to the end of the street, the last houses turned their lights off._

" _Aw, man!" Luffy said. "We're too late! Now we'll never break our record!"_

" _Hold on," Nami pointed, "What about that house up there?"_

 _The others all looked up to see, at the top of the hill, the old Secret Manor, which everyone said was haunted._

"What did it look like?" Robin interjected.

"I dunno, describe it," Luffy said.

"Oh, uh…" _The old Secret Manor had been built some time before the Civil War, straddling the classic style of the colonial period and the first hints of the industrial era. It was tall and grey, with four mismatched stories as though it had been cobbled together haphazardly. Each floor was just slightly off-center, so it looked like if the wind blew in just the right direction, the whole structure would crumble. Scraggly black trees that hadn't borne leaves in decades reached up to the house like the desperate, clawing hands of someone drowning. The paint was peeling, and the roof was missing shingles, but even from the bottom of the hill they could see the flicker of lights in the windows._

"Wow, that's awesome, Robin!" Nami said.

"Yeah, keep going!" Luffy agreed.

"Okay," Robin said, confused.

 _"Let's go there!" Luffy shouted. "They're bound to have candy!"_

 _Robin wasn't so sure, though. As far as anyone knew, the old Secret Manor had been empty since the Red Arrow Gang had used it as their base decades ago. After that, one could hear sounds coming from the house at night. Doors slamming, floors creaking, and sometimes a moan that echoed through the grounds were often heard when walking past the old house. Robin had always assumed that the house was just drafty, but when she was standing in front of it, confronted with all its eerie atmosphere, she found it difficult to be so logical._

 _"Let's try a different house," Robin suggested. "Maybe one down the street will still have its lights on."_

 _The kids were determined, though. "It's gotta be that one!" Luffy declared. Robin suspected that he was as excited for the adventure of approaching the haunted house as he was for the candy-which was saying a lot._

" _I've always wondered about that place," Sanji agreed eagerly._

" _I don't know why everyone's so nervous about it," Usopp said flippantly. "I'm not scared at all!"_

" _Usopp, your knees are shaking," Zoro pointed out._

" _We're gonna get so much candy!" Nami said, her eyes shining with excitement._

 _The five kids started down the street to the haunted house. Robin could see that there was no talking them out of it, and so, heaving a heavy sigh, she started after them._

 _The front lawn was cold and dead, like an old graveyard. Robin half-expected to see a headstone, though she didn't spot any. The stairs creaked as the six of them walked up to the rickety old porch. Hanging on the front of the door was a big Marley knocker. Luffy pulled the handle and knocked._

"What's a Marley knocker?"

"You know, like a Christmas Carol?" Robin said.

"Oh, I knew that," Usopp said unconvincingly.

"Usopp, why don't you take over?" Luffy, now sitting cross-legged and eagerly listening to the story, suggested.

"Oh, sure."

" _Enterrrrrr…" the door seemed to say as it creaked open. The kids and their babysitter huddled together and peered down the dark entrance hall. They could vaguely see the shape of a staircase in the corner, but the rest of the hall was pitch black._

" _T…" the kids said, "...trick or treat?"_

 _A gust of wind swirled around them. They heard the wind whistling down the corridors and shutters banging on windows somewhere in the house._

 _Suddenly, trick-or-treating here didn't seem like such a good idea._

" _We should go back," Nami said, suddenly not quite so eager for candies._

" _And miss our last chance to beat our record?" Luffy asked._

" _Hey, if Nami wants to turn back, we should turn back!" Sanji said._

" _And go where?" Zoro said. He pointed off the porch. From the top of this hill, they could see most of the neighborhood pretty well. All the houses had turned off their lights. They looked back to the window of the house they were at; a single Jack-O-Lantern sat in the window, but it was still lit. Someone had to be home._

 _It was Usopp who announced their decision, taking a leadership role as he always did in times of crisis. "Let's go inside!" he announced proudly. "There's nothing to be afraid of! If anything comes out to grab any of you, I'll take care of it!"_

" _Wow, Usopp!" Luffy exclaimed._

" _You're so brave!" Zoro said._

" _And dreamy!" Nami swooned._

" _Thank you, thank you," Usopp said humbly. They moved through the door and into the hallway. It was no brighter once they were inside, but they could see a couple of doors that went to other rooms. There was a door just past the staircase, and another on the wall to their right. As Robin stepped over the threshold behind the kids, the front door slammed shut behind them. Someone-one of the kids, and definitely not Usopp-let out a scream._

" _Oh, no!" Robin reached for the door and pulled at the handle, but it wouldn't budge. It felt like pulling on a handle attached to the wall. "It's locked," Robin announced._

" _Who locks a front door from the outside?" Nami said._

" _We'll have to find another way out," Usopp said. They turned around, looking from the staircase to the two doors, then turned back to each other._

" _Where should we go first?" Zoro asked tentatively._

" _Maybe we should split up?" Nami said._

" _I'll go with Nami," Sanji announced quickly._

" _You guys go ahead," Usopp said. "I'll, uh, protect you from here!"_

" _Okay," Zoro said, heading up the stairs. "You can stay here...alone!"_

 _Usopp gulped, then jogged after him._

"Can I tag in?" Sanji asked.

"Sure!" Luffy said.

 _Sanji followed Nami through the door at the end of the hall. They stepped out into what looked like a dining room, where all the furniture was covered by sheets._

" _What are we looking for?" Sanji whispered._

" _The back door," Nami said. "Now shush. We don't want whoever lives here to find us."_

 _The two of them crept through the eerie dining room. They could hear the sound of wind from outside, but aside from that it felt strangely quiet._

" _Hey, Nami," Sanji began to whisper as they turned the corner to another door._

" _What?" she hissed, but Sanji had fallen silent. She turned around. "What is it, Sanji?" Sanji, his one, visible eye wide, pointed. Nami turned, and what she saw made her scream._

 _There was a man standing in the doorway. He had wild black dreadlocks sticking out of the top of his head, and a very pointed beard and mustache._

"Sounds like my English teacher," Nami said with a hint of bitterness.

"It can be," Sanji replied before continuing.

 _Mr. Omatsuri was grimacing at both of them, his arms folded over his chest. Nami had thrown her arms around Sanji's neck, and for once he didn't make a stupid joke about it._

" _What are you doing in my house?" groaned Mr. Omatsuri. His voice sounded like he hadn't used it in a long time._

" _I'm sorry, mister," Nami said, "the door was open, so we-"_

" _So you thought you'd just barge in?" growled the man._

" _Nami, we gotta go," Sanji whispered, making to walk away. Before he could run for the door, the man grabbed Nami's arm and pulled her toward him. She let out a yelp._

" _I'll make sure you never leave again!" Mr. Omatsuri roared._

" _Nami!" Sanji said. Omatsuri was dragging Nami into the darkness on the other side of the door. He didn't know what was in that other room, but he knew that if he let Omatsuri take Nami, he would never see his best friend again._

 _Sanji ran at the man, jumping into the air and planting his foot square in the middle of his chest. The man stumbled backwards, his grip loosening on Nami enough that she was able to scramble away. Sanji landed sprawled on the floor._

" _Sanji!" Nami shouted, as Omatsuri grabbed Sanji by the ankle and dragged him backwards._

" _Get out of here!" Sanji shouted. "Warn the others!"_

 _Nami tried to grab onto Sanji, but Omatsuri was too fast for her, and her friend disappeared into the darkness of the other room, the door slamming behind him._

"Had to make yourself the hero, huh?" Nami said, but when Sanji looked at her, she was smirking at him.

Sanji smiled back. "Alright, then, why don't you take over?" he challenged her.

Nami shot him a look, but Luffy looked at her eagerly. "Yeah, Nami!" he said, "You go next!"

"Okay," Nami said. She pursed her lips for a second, then dove back into the narrative.

 _Usopp and Zoro were wandering in the hallway on the second floor. Zoro wrenched open a door and found another staircase, leading, presumably, to the attic._

 _"Wait, what's up there?" Usopp asked._

 _"I'm looking for an exit."_

 _"Yeah, but why would it be_ upstairs _?"_

 _"Guys!" Nami came running up the stairs, out of breath. "There's an old man here!"_

 _"What?"_

 _"A crazy old man downstairs," she wheezed. "He got Sanji!"_

 _Zoro punched the wall. "That idiot!" he said through gritted teeth._

 _"W-w-w-w-what do we do?" Usopp whimpered._

 _"First, we have to find Luffy," Zoro said firmly. He turned around and opened a closet door to start looking for him._

 _"HE'S NOT GOING TO BE IN THERE!" Nami and Usopp shouted._

 _The three of them ran downstairs to try to find where Luffy had made off to. Usopp had remembered that Luffy went into the door by the front exit, and so that's where they went. Behind that door was a long corridor with doors on the opposite wall._

 _"He could be in any of these!" Zoro said._

 _"Let's start looking!" Nami said, walking over to open one of the doors. Behind it was a dark room with a sofa and a fireplace, but there was no one inside. She shut the door and moved on to the next one. Usopp and Zoro ran over to start opening doors, too. Nami had just found the door to a connecting hallway with a row of big windows when she heard Usopp scream. She whirled around, and there was the old man again, lumbering through a doorway that Usopp had just opened. Sanji was nowhere to be seen._

 _"You guys go ahead!" Zoro shouted, pushing Usopp behind him so he was between them and Mr. Omatsuri._

 _"No!" Nami said. "We're not losing you, too!"_

 _Zoro seemed to recognize the logic in this, and dashed after Nami and Usopp into the connecting hallway. They could hear Mr. Omatsuri walking casually in the hall behind them._

 _"I'll get you kids! You'll make perfect prizes for my cellar!"_

 _"In here!" Nami wrenched open a closet door and ducked inside. Zoro and Usopp quickly followed. Nami shut the door behind them, and hoped that Omatsuri hadn't seen the door shut._

 _She was right. "Where are you, kids?" she heard him groan as he walked the hall in front of them. Usopp was panting loudly, so Zoro covered his mouth. They listened to his heavy, lumbering footsteps, to the buckles on his shoes that jingled slightly as he walked. Through the slits in the door, they watched his shadow pass the door. 'If he opens that door, we're as good as dead,' Nami thought. She watched the shadow move out of sight, and breathed a sigh of relief. Zoro reached for the door._

 _"Not yet," she whispered. They waited for another minute or so, to make sure Omatsuri wasn't coming back. Just when Nami was beginning to think they were safe, another shadow moved in front of the door. Her breath caught in her throat as the door handle jiggled. 'This is it,' she thought. Their best bet was to plow their way through, fists flying. She poised to attack, ready to jump out at Omatsuri, and the door opened._

 _The three of them burst out, their bodies slamming into another figure, who toppled to the floor, spilling his bag of treats. They were about to make a break for it when they saw Robin._

 _"Whoa," she said, "where are you guys going?"_

 _"Robin!" Nami and Usopp said, relieved. Zoro helped Luffy up off the floor._

 _"My candy!" Luffy groaned._

 _"Where were you?" Zoro asked._

 _"I was looking for the kitchen so I could get their candy!"_

 _"We have to get out of here!" Usopp announced. "There's an old man here and he's chasing us!"_

 _The group started to move toward the front door, but Nami planted her feet. "No," she announced, "we can't leave without Sanji."_

 _The others turned to look at her. "It might be too late for him," Robin said solemnly._

 _"We have to try."_ Nami turned to Sanji. _"He's my best friend."_ She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

 _Luffy punched his hand. "Okay! Let's go find him! " he announced. "And if that old geezer's done anything to hurt him...we'll cream him!"_

 _"Luffy, you're ten," Usopp reminded him._

"Does someone wanna take over?" Nami asked. "All that's left is to beat up the badguy."

"And save the damsel in distress," Sanji added with a grin. "Who's up to the challenge?"

"Zoro hasn't had a turn," Usopp pointed out.

"Yeah, Zoro," Robin said. "Do you want to take over?"

Zoro shook his head. "One of you finish it," he said. "I'm not creative."

"C'mon, it's a group effort!" Luffy said. "You have to finish it!" Everyone joined in, pleading for Zoro to take over.

"Look," Sanji interjected. "If you don't want to give it a go, I can finish it off," he said, "but we would really like to hear your part of it."

Zoro sighed. "Alright," he said.

 _The five of them heard a noise coming from the other hallway. Steeling themselves for danger, they nodded at each other and headed toward it._

 _"It's coming from the living room," Nami whispered. They made their way to the door that she had opened earlier, careful to be quiet. As they neared the door, they could hear muffled voices inside the room._

 _"Your friends have already left by now, little boy," wheezed the old man. "That means it's just you and me...forever." They could hear Sanji try to say something, but he seemed to be gagged. "What? What was that you said?" Mr. Omatsuri took off Sanji's gag._

 _"I said, get stuffed, crap-geezer," Sanji spat._

"Ha!" Sanji laughed. "I would totally say that!"

 _"You little-!" But as the old man raised his hand to the boy, the kids threw open the door._

 _"Get away from our friend!" Luffy shouted. He dashed forward, fists flying at the old man. He was just a ten-year-old boy, so it didn't do much good, but then Usopp jumped on Omatsuri's back, hanging onto his neck for dear life._

 _"I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid!" Usopp chanted, hoping that repetition would make it true._

 _"Hold him still!" Zoro shouted, walking over to the fireplace and grabbing a poker off the rack._

 _"Are you okay?" Nami untied Sanji._

 _"I am now, Nami-swan~!" Sanji said, making heart eyes at him._

 _"Don't make me tie you back up," Nami said with a grimace, then added, "I was worried about you. I thought I'd lost you forever."_

 _"Don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily," Sanji said with a smile. Nami was impressed by how cool he looked, for a second, but then he put on his usual pervy grin and added, "I'm gonna stay by your side forever and ever as your personal love-knight, Nami-swan~!"_

 _"You had to ruin it."_

 _Zoro, with a poker in each hand and one between his teeth, growled, "Hold him still!"_

 _"What did you say?" Usopp asked. "It's hard to hear when you have that thing in your m-OW! OW!" Zoro started hitting Omatsuri with the pokers, but some of his hits were landing on Usopp's arms and head._

 _"I said to hold him still!" Zoro said. Omatsuri squirmed as Zoro hit him over the head a couple more times._

 _The room was suddenly flooded with red and blue lights._

" _Oh, shit!" Usopp shouted. "It's the fuzz!" He ducked under a couch._

" _No! The fuzz!" Luffy said, not sure what Usopp was doing but ducking anyway._

" _Who called the police?" Nami asked. They looked up to see Robin standing in the doorway with her cell phone out._

" _I did," she said. "Now get off that creep and let the authorities deal with him."_

 _Mr. Omatsuri was arrested that night. As it turned out, Omatsuri was an old member of the Red Arrow Gang who had been squatting in the Secret Manor for a few years. A search of the Secret Manor found a stash of weapons and porn that were in violation of his parole, and would land him back in jail. The kids all got to ride in a police car, which they thought was very exciting, to the station, where they answered a series of questions and got picked up by their very frantic and worried parents about an hour later. Robin apologized profusely for the hassle, especially to Sanji's mom, but ultimately the kids were unharmed and their parents forgave her._

 _At the end of the night, only Zoro and Luffy were waiting for Luffy's grandpa to pick him up. "Do you mind if I sleep over tonight?" Zoro asked._

" _Why, were you scared?" Luffy asked._

" _No!" Zoro said defensively. "...Maybe a little bit."_

 _Luffy grinned at him. "I was, too," he admitted. They heard a horn outside that meant Luffy's grandpa was here. "Let's go!" he said._

 _On their way out, the dispatch officer flagged them down. "You kids were very brave today, you know that?" she said. "Here," she offered them a bowl of candy. "Happy Halloween!"_

 _Luffy and Zoro each took a handful. When they got home, they counted their candy out, and found that they had beat their record from last year by fifteen candies._

 _The end._

"Wow!" Nami said, giving Zoro a hug. "That was really pretty good!"

"Not bad, moss-head," Sanji said.

"You said you weren't creative!" Usopp said.

Zoro shrugged. "I've been reading _Misery_ , I stole a couple ideas from that," he said.

"It was really good," Robin said. Then she turned to Luffy. "Thank you. That was a great way to end the night."

"What are you talking about?" Usopp said. "It's not even midnight! Let's get this party started!"

Usopp was wrong, though, as the party ended shortly after that. Everybody went home in good spirits and wished each other a happy Halloween. Sanji lingered for an extra minute at Nami's door.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow," Nami told him.

"Right," Sanji said, but he didn't leave her doorstep. "Are we cool?"

Nami smiled at him. "Yes, we're cool. Good night, Sanji."

"Good night, Nami." Sanji walked off to his car, and Nami closed the door after him.


	8. Chapter 8: Epilogue

On the morning of November 1st, there was a notable chill that hadn't been there a week earlier. Even the brightest orange leaves had fallen in line with the dull brown ones by now. Hell, those leaves should count themselves lucky to cling to the black bark of the trees, as most of them were bare by now. Officially, there was still over a month left of fall, but who were they kidding; winter was here.

The math teacher really went out of her way to keep them right until class ended. When she finally dismissed them, Sanji bolted out of the room, zipping his bag shut as he went. He'd had to wait for the bus in the cold because his mother needed the car, and he was still pretty tired from last night's party, so he was pretty crabby as he made his way down the halls, checking his watch to see if he had time for lunch. His bad mood dissipated when he saw Nami. She was sitting in one of the forest green armchairs, her Macbook in her lap, tapping a mechanical pencil against her knee. Today her dark blue hoodie was mostly covered by the leather jacket that she hadn't taken off, her legs folded behind her and her strawberry-blonde hair pulled into a loose bun. It was hard to tell from the other end of the hall, but Sanji thought she looked preoccupied, at least based on her body language.

 _Maybe I should just leave her alone,_ Sanji thought, _after all the drama last night._ She had assured him things were okay, though, so he walked over to where she was sitting. "Hey, Nami," he said. Nami looked up like she was surprised to see the hall filled with people. She smiled.

"Hey, Sanji," she said. "What's up?"

"I'm heading to the cafeteria," he said. "You wanna join me?"

Nami shut her laptop and hopped up eagerly, full of energy. Before Sanji could ask what had her in such a good mood, she spoke up. "Sure!" she said. "I'll cover you this time."

"Oh, okay," Sanji said, not wanting to admit that he could use the money. A few minutes later, they were sitting at a table with their sandwiches. Two other students were on the other side, watching YouTube on their phones, so Nami and Sanji had a reasonable amount of privacy.

"So how was class?" Sanji asked. "This was your first class since the midterm, right?"

He'd half-expected Nami's good mood to falter when he brought up her midterm, but, if anything, her smile widened. "Actually," she said, "Mr. Omatsuri took me aside after class today! Apparently this morning he showed my paper to one of the other English teachers, remember the guy with the ponytail?"

"The one who did our English Lit class last semester?" Sanji asked.

"Right! So he showed it to him and he said he would've given it an A!"

"Nami, that's great!" Sanji said. "So is he gonna change the grade?"

"He already did! I just checked online and Omatsuri bumped it up to a B!"

"Wait, he told you he would give you an A and gave you a B instead?" Sanji asked, confused.

"No, he never told me he was giving me an A," Nami corrected. "I got an email from the other teacher saying he liked my paper and that he'd convinced my teacher to change my grade!"

"Wow, just out of the blue?"

"He said he was returning a favor because Luffy lent him something for his kid's Halloween costume or something?" Nami said with a shrug. "I gotta remember to thank Luffy next time I see him."

"Yeah, he really came through last night," Sanji agreed. "He really knows how to bring everyone together to have a good time..." He trailed off, remembering Nami's harsh words and feeling his stomach sink a little bit.

"So..." Nami shifted uncomfortably. "About what I said last night..."

"It's okay," Sanji said. "I get it. You were mad, and I was being overbearing, or whatever."

"Yeah, but it was no excuse to be a bitch," Nami pressed. "I'm sorry."

Sanji smiled. "I wouldn't say you were a _bitch_ ," he said.

Nami smiled back. "I would." She took a bite of her sandwich, then added. "Hey, you wanna help me get some Christmas decorations after class lets out?"

Sanji's eyes-at least, his one visible one-brightened. "What, already?" he said.

"Why not?" Nami and Sanji finished their lunch in good spirits, after which Sanji walked her to her next class. This made him late for _his_ next class, but he didn't much care, so long as he got to spend time with her.


End file.
